Embrace your flaws

This post may sound super profound, but it really isn't. It's just me venting.

So I recently had a friend of mine come up to me (randomly) and say, "I've been reflecting...the person I am, is not who I am supposed to be. I mean, I say these things and do these things without thinking...and maybe it's time I started thinking. Be more considerate. I mean, otherwise I could just get into a lot of trouble."

Which got me thinking...why does she want to change? What made her think this way? Did someone tell her something? I didn't ask her, because sometimes people just want you to listen, and not react.

I understand that we tend to find "flaws" with ourselves and want to change them for the better. But sometimes I think that these flaws are what make us who we are. Without these flaws, we'd be someone else. Conversely, what you may see as a flaw in yourself could be seen as a great positive through someone else's eyes.

I guess, at the end of the day, we're all on the same quest in the journey of life...looking for someone who'll accept us for who we are. I don't believe in changing your personality traits for someone. Changing habits, yeah that's possible, if it's for the better. But your personality...no. If someone is telling you to be less talkative, be more social, avoiding conversations around your topics of interest, asking you to do things that they like but never doing things you like...that's not a healthy relationship. And that's not compromise either.

So to my friend, you know who you are, if you're reading this, don't change one bit. Your blatant and brutal to-the-face honesty is something I appreciate, and what the world needs more of.

And to my small group of readers, think of someone who has a unique personality trait, or just a usual one..maybe they've felt insecure about it or avoided talking about it due to afraid of being judged...text/call them and compliment them, genuinely.

...and next time a person wants to talk about their interest, and they utter the words "I'm sorry, am I boring you?"...remember, they're only asking that because they've been told that this particular interest of theirs is boring. So just listen. We live in a narcissistic world where everything is about "me me me". It's time we used our social platforms to create a world of equality, consideration and empathy.

...which is what I'm trying to do with this post.  

Why you so happy?

Social media plays quite the role in how our lives sort of...form, in today's world. And as basic instinct, we're very used to sharing positive news on Facebook. Maybe it's a psychological thing...I mean of course it is - we very rarely tend to share bad news on social media, unless it be the death of someone close.

Our social media personalities are the epitome of who we want to be - the ideal self - which is why we tend to post more news/updates that are inclined to positive thoughts. We want those likes. It's a confirmation that you're pretty, or that you getting into xxx college is a great thing, or that being in a relationship with some idiot is a good thing (okay not everyone you date is an idiot...)

Of course, we're not all like this. Some people like to use social media as lurkers...which is worse. Lurkers just observe other people, maybe occasionally liking a picture or two, but you tend to forget that this person even exists on a social media platform. The sad thing about lurkers is that we tend to observe other people's happening lives, and automatically assume ours is...boring, depressing, uneventful...whereas we forget that those who post actively are not posting moments of them doing nothing.

This is kind of why I like snapchat...I mean it started off as an app to send naked snaps of people, but now it's an app that gives me the sense of belonging. I'll snap my mundane breakfast of cereal, and my friend will snap back the exact same thing! Also, snapchat is a place where not so pretty selfies are acceptable...and appreciated :)

And that's how it should be generally. I don't step out of the house in a pretty red dress, scarlet lips and curled eyelashes everyday...like my Facebook profile picture displays everyday. We need to accept the good and the bad. It's great that we're more than excited to share happy news on Facebook or Twitter...but we can't assume a person is always happy because of their social media posts. Everyone has their ups and downs, and using social media as a platform to judge how "good" people's lives are is just...not right.

Why did I post this? I saw a picture of two of my friends on Facebook, posted a month after their huge argument. The catch is, they still talk to me individually about this fight and have not really...moved on.

Your thought after reading this post? "Who are these two friends? Am I one of them? Shit."

...ahh the power of psychology :)

<goes back to Facebook and stares at happy lives of people>
<cries self to sleep>

Your Passion Defines You

Sometimes I feel like we take our hobbies and/or passions for granted. We don't realise how they define us as a person, keep is grounded, sane and stable. Yes, we have people in our lives to help us do this too, but sometimes self exploration is the best way to discover something new about yourself.

Why am I writing about this? I haven't written in three months. And for someone who claims to be a passionate writer, this is the worst example to set. Not writing for three months has not damaged who I am, but it has definitely affected certain aspects of my creative process.

When I used to write regularly, I used to keep note of every idea in my small notebook. This helped have a creative flow to my writing or just some genuinely interesting things to discuss. Now, if I do get an idea, I'm at work or in the auto going home. I don't have anywhere to write...and it never occurred to me to keep note of it on my phone because I like to physically write these things down. Because of this, I've let so many good ideas go. 

Recently, I decided enough is enough. I need to get this blog up and running. Not for the handful of readers (who I appreciate), but for me. For my sanity. For me to have my venting portal back. Depending on family and friends for venting is great. But you cannot deny that they will never understand the whole of it. But they will support you and be there for you.

But your passion, be it writing, reading, baking, cooking, photography, drawing...this will allow you to see things more clearly. The process of your passion relaxes you, allowing you to have a clearer perspective of things. So let your passion define you and allow you to surpass all your fears and frustrations. 

Tell me, what's your passion??

What is Marriage?

Dear Me,

• I trust you with everything. 
• I've shared everything with you, with no judgement from your side.
• I love how you're genuinely happy when I tell you my happy stories.
• You always listen to my endless and irritating rants. And I mean listen, listen.
• You always make me smile.
• I know I'll never be bored with you.
• No matter how much time we spend together, how much we talk, I'm always left wishing for more. 
• But while I'm left wishing for more, I love that you understand when we need space.
• I'm a better person because of you constantly pushing me and encouraging me to do things out of my comfort zone.

...and you want me to let all this go?

Love,

Me

(Was that a bit creepy? Like a psychological thriller?)

I do all these things to myself and fail to understand why I need someone else in the equation to fulfill that. Why is marriage such a huge topic of discussion in our society, immediately after a job is found? Is there no room for the above...at least for a few years? Are we not meant to make a life for ourselves and live it, before we add someone else to the equation? Why do have to always be dependent on someone for life to move on? Why can't we make our own actions, hardships and thoughts work for us?

As an almost 23 year old woman, I find the topic of marriage (or commitment in general) a very minuscule part of my life. There are way more important things on my mind - How can I spend more time with my family? Where will I be five years from now in my career path? How do I settle down in my new job? How to I adapt to the new environment I'm in? Who are my friends? Where do I visit next year? 

This isn't a feminist rant (I'm not a feminist) or a vent session from personal conversations at home. My parents kinda think the way I do. Yeah the topic comes up, but I think having had two daughters, they sort of understand where I'm coming from. They encourage me to be independent. Now don't think marriage is dependence. It's not. I can't speak for marriage right now, but I can't speak against it either.

The whole point of this long rant is - marriage should not be an ultimate goal in life. Marriage should not be a topic of discussion for any woman or man aged below 28 (unless they consent it, then yay, good for you). Marriage should not be looked down upon either. 

Marriage and commitment should not be feared, but should not be the center of attention either.

Please note that these are personal opinions. Please feel free to voice your own in a comment below or email me :)

Simply Love

Loving someone and being in love are two entirely different things. And when the two clash, it's a myriad of emotions. One wants to you do the right thing while the other is blind. Conflicted emotions are the worst. Why can't love be simple?

Or maybe it is. And if it's not, it's probably not meant to be. But they say all relationships go through hardships. So is that not love? Do you work towards love? Is love even the ultimate thing? I'm not a romantic. The idea nauseates me. But I believe in simple love - family, friendships, high school crushes...but most importantly, loving yourself. Because if you love yourself, you'll see your flaws and if not accept them, try to help yourself change them for the better.

I guess love has different forms. It's really how you and your experiences that allow you to define and perceive it in your own unique way.

And before I get a million questions as to why I posted this, here's the inspiration:

rmdrk - Instagram

Until next time...

I couldn't decide which blog to post this on but since all my sentimental posts are on this one, including the last "Good bye" post when I left CEP, I decided to post this one here too! :)

Sigh. I don't even know where to start. I know I write a lot about change, its inevitability, its heart wrenching pain, it being a new chapter and so on...but it's easy to preach than to practice. A huge change for me is in the happening and that's saying goodbye to Swansea, for now I hope. I always say I'll be back...just to revisit the place, the memories...

Having said that, the last three years have been the most amazing journey of my life. I grew to be the person I am today (or so I like to believe) because of Swansea, the education, the people and most importantly, the independence that led to responsibility (again, I hope).

If had to start thanking people and jotting down memories from day 1 on this post, it would be endless. Nevertheless, I have a long list of people who have made the experience of Swansea what it is and I know I wouldn't want to have it any other way :) All you guys, you brought out the good, the bad and the evil (I had to :P) in me - (this is the part where I tried jotting down names, but there are way too many!)

So having failed at that, you know who you are. You hold a special place in my heart and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making Swansea home :)

It's difficult to say goodbye, but it's even more difficult to let go of the memories. But as rightly put, it's better to always look forward but mainly, live in the present. As said correctly from The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, "There is no present like the time." :)

Swansea, you will forever be my second home.

Moving On...

I think the main reason we don't like moving on is because it's a cause for change. And as humans, we don't like change. Which is weird considering we don't like eating the same thing everyday...

But sometimes you don't know it, and life gives you the most inevitable change possible...and in that moment, you hate life. You don't want it to change. You want things to be the way they are. But why are we so resistant to change? I mean, not all change is bad. In fact, most of the changes are good. We don't know it because we're programmed to think they're bad.

When I left Zambia for India, I didn't know what to expect. I was very much against the idea of moving to India. I didn't want to be around people I don't know and most certainly did not want a change in cultural and social norms. But when I got there, I understood how I was completely wrong about India. I grew to love the place, and not just because the food was nice but because I made some amazing friends!

After establishing a fantastic social circle in India, I didn't want to leave that and move to Swansea. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to move, but at the same time, I wasn't sure if people abroad would be as chilled and fun as the friends I made in Bangalore.

Yet again, my expectations proved me wrong. I met, once more, an amazing group of friends in Swansea and they made the experience all the more culturally fulfilling and equally fun! And having never lived by the sea, Swansea certainly made me a beach lover.

Now that this journey has come to an end, I'm moving back to India. And because my previous experience with India was amazing, I'm not scared of this change. It's giving me an opportunity to move on. I've made some sensible decisions in Swansea, but also some rather stupid ones. And I have a chance to move on. I am definitely scared to move on from student life to work life. But that's change innit? Inexorable. Inevitable. Surprising. And a mix of good and bad. If you want to move on, you gotta let go of the past, let go of expectations and most importantly, let go of yourself. And if you understood that, you, my friend, are ready for a change :)