What is Marriage?

Dear Me,

• I trust you with everything. 
• I've shared everything with you, with no judgement from your side.
• I love how you're genuinely happy when I tell you my happy stories.
• You always listen to my endless and irritating rants. And I mean listen, listen.
• You always make me smile.
• I know I'll never be bored with you.
• No matter how much time we spend together, how much we talk, I'm always left wishing for more. 
• But while I'm left wishing for more, I love that you understand when we need space.
• I'm a better person because of you constantly pushing me and encouraging me to do things out of my comfort zone.

...and you want me to let all this go?

Love,

Me

(Was that a bit creepy? Like a psychological thriller?)

I do all these things to myself and fail to understand why I need someone else in the equation to fulfill that. Why is marriage such a huge topic of discussion in our society, immediately after a job is found? Is there no room for the above...at least for a few years? Are we not meant to make a life for ourselves and live it, before we add someone else to the equation? Why do have to always be dependent on someone for life to move on? Why can't we make our own actions, hardships and thoughts work for us?

As an almost 23 year old woman, I find the topic of marriage (or commitment in general) a very minuscule part of my life. There are way more important things on my mind - How can I spend more time with my family? Where will I be five years from now in my career path? How do I settle down in my new job? How to I adapt to the new environment I'm in? Who are my friends? Where do I visit next year? 

This isn't a feminist rant (I'm not a feminist) or a vent session from personal conversations at home. My parents kinda think the way I do. Yeah the topic comes up, but I think having had two daughters, they sort of understand where I'm coming from. They encourage me to be independent. Now don't think marriage is dependence. It's not. I can't speak for marriage right now, but I can't speak against it either.

The whole point of this long rant is - marriage should not be an ultimate goal in life. Marriage should not be a topic of discussion for any woman or man aged below 28 (unless they consent it, then yay, good for you). Marriage should not be looked down upon either. 

Marriage and commitment should not be feared, but should not be the center of attention either.

Please note that these are personal opinions. Please feel free to voice your own in a comment below or email me :)

Moving On...

I think the main reason we don't like moving on is because it's a cause for change. And as humans, we don't like change. Which is weird considering we don't like eating the same thing everyday...

But sometimes you don't know it, and life gives you the most inevitable change possible...and in that moment, you hate life. You don't want it to change. You want things to be the way they are. But why are we so resistant to change? I mean, not all change is bad. In fact, most of the changes are good. We don't know it because we're programmed to think they're bad.

When I left Zambia for India, I didn't know what to expect. I was very much against the idea of moving to India. I didn't want to be around people I don't know and most certainly did not want a change in cultural and social norms. But when I got there, I understood how I was completely wrong about India. I grew to love the place, and not just because the food was nice but because I made some amazing friends!

After establishing a fantastic social circle in India, I didn't want to leave that and move to Swansea. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to move, but at the same time, I wasn't sure if people abroad would be as chilled and fun as the friends I made in Bangalore.

Yet again, my expectations proved me wrong. I met, once more, an amazing group of friends in Swansea and they made the experience all the more culturally fulfilling and equally fun! And having never lived by the sea, Swansea certainly made me a beach lover.

Now that this journey has come to an end, I'm moving back to India. And because my previous experience with India was amazing, I'm not scared of this change. It's giving me an opportunity to move on. I've made some sensible decisions in Swansea, but also some rather stupid ones. And I have a chance to move on. I am definitely scared to move on from student life to work life. But that's change innit? Inexorable. Inevitable. Surprising. And a mix of good and bad. If you want to move on, you gotta let go of the past, let go of expectations and most importantly, let go of yourself. And if you understood that, you, my friend, are ready for a change :)

SOCIAL NORMS

A lot of things we do are because of social norms. Kinda like, "What will the neighbours think?"

Why do we have to do things because our neighbours are going to say something? I don't even talk to my neighbours. The problem is that people always need some sort of gossip to talk about. If I came home with a boy, who could be my cousin for all they know, it would still turn out be the gossip of our neighbourhood..."Oh you know! She brought home a boy and they locked the doors!" Do you even realise how disturbing that is?!

If it's not that, it's something else. There's always something else. "Haan beta. You've finished your masters. Now time to get married uh?" Uh no. There's something called "a job." I didn't go abroad, work hard, have my dad invest in me so much, to just get married. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage. It'll happen. Just not now. And not for the sake of making society happy.

It's even little things. Just the other day, my friend and I were talking about how if we don't attend a dinner that some family friend has invited us for, that's it. That's enough material for them to start - "She didn't even say hello and I personally called her and invited here!" No you didn't. You called my mother. Do you even know my number? -_-

Like seriously. Einstein was right - for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In this case, it's just an opposite reaction.

Disclaimer - not a personal attack at anyone. So don't go and speak around and say, "oh, she wrote a blog post about this and that. How could she?" -_-

Love should not be taken lightly

Do you know what it's like to love someone unconditionally? To listen to and remember every little detail of their numerous stories...dated back to even a year ago. To go through their mood swings with them - their highs, mehs and lows. To create an abundance of memories - pranks, arguments, parties, silence, hugs, tickles, distance...

Distance, misunderstandings, miscommunication, being taken for granted, separate lives - circumstances that end a love like that. Overwhelming. I'll never put myself through that again....invest myself in someone so much.

The fear of losing someone you love is something we all go through. But that's love. It never leaves you. It always surrounds you. You rarely see it. You choose not to see it. You're taken for granted and it is gut wrenching. But who have you been taking for granted? .

Emotional Baggage?

The epitome of true friendship lies in many things. But the one thing I probably would expect is being there. Not physically but emotionally.

Everyone carries emotional baggage - be it dramatic, small or even stupid - we all do. Some are lucky to have someone in their lives to exhaust it on - a venting machine (geddit?) Others just find other ways to channel the frustration - art, music, writing, going for a walk, plummet into work...and so on.

Relationships change. People change. Life changes. It's all inexorable. And everyone knows this. It's not new.

But what many people don't realise is that the change is very effective on various things in life. It could change an entire relationship - its dynamic, communication, perspectives and perhaps even the level of likability. When change happens, that's when the true character of certain people is revealed.

Some people love changes. A constant in life can be quite annoying. But sometimes, a constant is a good thing.

I really don't know what the theme of this post is. I just feel like it's been a while since I did an emotional post. Maybe I had to channel my emotional baggage*. :)

*my emotional baggage - the sadness of many TV shows ending and job applications.

This song is dedicated to my job applications...because they're always in my head:

'Always in my head' by Coldplay

Loving and Falling in Love

Obviously there is a distinct difference between the two. I can love anyone or anything. Like I love coffee. But falling in love is more emotional, meaningful and sometimes unrequited. But that's not the point. The point is, I have fallen in love twice. And both, sadly, with fictional characters.

Bet you see where the post is going. It's not about the downside of love. Or the love in my life. I have sufficient love in my life. My family loves me and I love them back. That's all that matters. Friends do love...but only if you're really really really really close.

Moving on. The two characters I've been "in love" with are Dean from Supernatural and Stiles from Teen Wolf. Now before you judge a show by it's name, give it a watch. I seriously think the writers of Teen Wolf should have named their show something else...like Wolf Bane (as suggested by Tanushree). That way, their show would have no comparison to the sad series of Twilight. Seriously, the two are not even remotely related!

Getting back to the point, I am obviously, not in love with these two characters. If similar people existed in my life, I probably would fall in love with them. That's the thing with love...it's all very subjective. We sometimes have that feeling, when your friend tells you about someone they like and you're all "Him? Seriously? What do you see in him?" If we all saw the same in everyone, we'd end up loving the same people...and we don't want that, do we?

So, don't ever judge your friends for who they like. Let people make their life happen the way they want it. Do not interfere. Love is subjective...accept it that way.

And on that note, here is a video made by my friend, Bettina, on the love of my life, Stiles! Enjoy:

boredsleepycranky - [M.E.R.C.Y]. Stiles Stilinski

Moments

Effed up moments

That moment...

when your crush walks by and all you can do is stare like a creepy owl. o.O

when you want to hug someone and instead they choose to shake hands. >_<

when you open a bag of chips but they decide to volcano erupt on you. -_-

Awesome moments!

That moment...

when you and your friend have telepathic conversations in front of an idiot. ^_^

when you think it's Tuesday, but it's actually Friday! B-)

when there's chocolate ice cream in your freezer. <3

Moments to move on...

That moment...

when you realise your soul mate is in New York (he loves penguins).

when you tell a guy he is perfect for you and he replies saying, "oh...okay..." 

when you eat tonnes of junk food and think it's okay but subconsciously you know it's not.

Moments to cherish

That moment...

when your mom Whatsapp texts you to pass time. :-)

when your sister gets hungry because you're Skype cooking lunch. :D

when your dad scolds you, you retaliate maturely and he says you've good English. xD

Of Love and Other Things Part II

Click here to read Part I.

So I'm in my final year of University...I'm less than a month away from the much hyped "21st Birthday"...and I'm still the same old crazy, food loving, pathetically in love, slightly delirious and weird girl.

So...have I learned what love is? Meh. Not really. I've had eye candy moments here and there...sometimes some profound feelings for some guy here and there. I'm like a remote control...just changing channels here and there! Muhahaha.

No serious talk though, love isn't something that can be defined noh? Going through a weird phase in life right now, I cannot be more sure about this. One cannot define love. There are just instances and moments that do so.

Recently, I came across a blog, that made me, for the first time, appreciate technology. They do make relationships work. I mean sure, their in-your-face sweet concept of maintaining a blog as a couple made me feel a little "icky" (Friends reference!) inside...but only because they have what we're all looking for...or at least something similar.

So here's the story...boy and girl meet, start dating, still dating...long distance! How do they get through long distance? Maintain a blog about it, together! Get them "awwws" rolling outta your tongue people!! Click here to read their blog.

Happy reading! :)

The Complicated Guy/Gal

You know there's that one friend we all have, who is a douche? The one who's always mean. And picking on you. And calling you names. And irritating you. And taking the joy out of everything? Buzz kill.

But...

That one person is there for you. When you need it. They listen to your over dramatic but minuscule problems...they advice you, then make fun of you. They irritate you...then say sorry.

It's like, I like you. But I'll be mean to you. But I want you to like me too. Coz this is who I am. Bitch.

It's probably the best friendship you have. Believe me. Nothing is stronger than accepting a person for who they are...rather than expecting them to change. Or making them change. Would you change yourself, just to make someone else happy?

It's probably the core of all relationships. Accept, Trust and be Honest. Everything else will make sense then.

(I'm sure if my bunch of douchy friends read this, they'll criticise it...but I love 'em anyway!)

To Friendship! 

"The One"

There are many Movies, Series, Books and what not about "The One". It's nice, romantic, sweet, yada yada. But it's also a sort of myth.

Now, don't get me wrong. If you've found "the one" then good for you. But for people like me, who are still in search of "the one", I've some reality checks for you...uh...us?

Looking for "The One"
Photograph By: Tanushree Dwivedi

Constantly looking for "the one" creates a sort of ideal. It's like falling in love with the concept of love. Furthermore, if you do meet someone, you start off well, of course. But as time goes on, you may try to change the person to match the "ideal" you had in mind.

Which brings me to my second point: why are we on this search for "the one"? Why can't we date like normal people? Like Monica, Rachel and Joey from Friends? Why should we be like Ted from How I Met Your Mother? (Although he's had his moments too) Just let life flow.

I'm probably not the one to preach as half my posts are about love and what not. But making our life revolve around finding "the one" is kinda a waste. I blame movies and series for making this the main quest of life. It's silly.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've to go and get my binoculars. My potential "the one" is standing outside. 

Dating and All That Jazz

Recently, I've been thinking. Dating is a concept that's very common these days. It's nice to be in a relationship with someone. Thing is, men think differently about it and women think differently about it.

When men date, they go with the flow, which is probably good at times. It's good to be relaxed in a relationship. Take things slow and the way they come. Women, on the other hand, always think about "where this is going". Are they going to get married? Are they going to break up? How many kids are they going to have?

I may be wrong. Like I've said earlier, I base most of my thoughts on stereotypes.

Having said all this, have you noticed how people merge to be one when they're dating? They start sounding more like each other - the way they talk, their opinions, those tiny annoying habits. It's creepy. Suddenly, you start seeing one body and two heads. Creepy.

Mind you, this is only when it comes to dating. When people are married, the body starts separating and they start getting more comfy with each other. Why? Because there is a legal contract binding them together. Muhahahaha!

Discover Yourself
Photography By Author

Anyway, point being, when you're dating someone, you tend to lose yourself. Your identity, your opinions, your way of thinking, etc. It starts becoming "we think", "we like", "we want to do"...let me know if I'm wrong.

Ergo, if you're a teenager, and you're reading this, please, don't date. The teenage phase of life is when you actually discover who you are. Give yourself those years to create an awesome identity for yourself. Don't let someone else create your identity. If, by any chance, that someone leaves, you will feel like half of your identity is suddenly gone, and you'll go through a fucked up phase of what you will call "depression" and your friends around you will call "attention seeking". It's neither. It's just restlessness.

If you are in a relationship, just be careful not to lose yourself. Don't always nod your head to what your partner wants you to do. If you don't like something, express it. After all, your partner needs to love you. Not an ideal you that you're making for him/her. Let people appreciate you for who you are. Don't create someone you don't know. It will bite you later on. 

14th February

SINGLE'S PERSPECTIVE

Only because I am single, I shall crib about Valentine’s Day. It sucks. All those couples around doing their things; buying each other gifts, going out on a romantic date, being there for each other. GAH. Nauseating. Being single on Valentine’s Day sucks. It’s like not being drunk on St Patrick’s Day! Or not having cake on your birthday. You feel so incomplete. There’s a hole in your heart. I think I shall go and eat my chocolate ice cream, watch some pathetic romantic movie and cry now.

COUPLE'S PERSPECTIVE

Aww honey. I love you but today I shall show you that I love you. Here, have this gift basket. And chocolate. And I’ll take you out for dinner. And here’s a Mercedes. Also, we have to show PDA because you know…you just have to. Really. Today is the day that I will love you so much. I do love you but today I just have to express it because on other days I don’t. Or I do and the world doesn’t know about it.

MY PERSPECTIVE

Hello there. So. Valentine’s day. Hmm. What’s the big deal? There’s always a big deal. But before we go there, what is Valentine’s Day? According to Google, and the online dictionary, it’s a day for the exchange of tokens of affection. So where the hell does the whole “I’m single” or “I’m in a relationship” or “I don’t have a date on this day” play its part?!

Okay fine, I understand people go a little overboard with the gifts and affection. So you do it too!! Who says the “token of affection” has to be for your boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/partner? You can get something for your sister, brother, mother, father, etc. I know Fathers and Mothers have their own days…but do siblings?

Which brings me to my next point. WHY IS THERE A FREAKING DAY FOR EVERYTHING?! If I love someone, I would tell them! (Maybe not immediately, but I would someday.) But that day does NOT have to be Valentine’s Day.

Same way, I will buy my parents stuff when I feel like. I will tell them I love them and hug them and what not whenever I feel like. I do not need Mother’s Day or Father’s Day to express my love for them.

So all you single people sitting there, feeling sorry for yourselves, GO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SALES ON CHOCOLATE! Okay seriously, pull yourself together. You are an amazing person. You know it. Just go out on Valentine’s Day with a few people. Go party. Go have dinner. Have a movie night. Anything. Express your love for the people that really matter. Don’t hook yourself up with someone just because you have to.

If you’re in unrequited love (my area of expertise), either pluck the courage up to go and tell that person that you’re in love with them or don’t. Really up to you. Happiness is a key element in love. If they're happy, you should be happy.

Having said all that, I am an overly romantic girl. I am expecting a lot from this day. Probably from someone who doesn’t even care. I know having expectations is probably the worst thing anyone can…have? Oh well. It’s like any other day otherwise.

I love you all. Peace. 

If only he knew...

If only he knows, if only.

If only he knows how I feel,

When he stares at other women,

From top to heel.

If only he knows how I feel,

When he ignores me.

Feelings, I have to conceal.

Ours is a special relationship,

Like no other.

We’re best friends, perhaps more;

Or only I think so. 

Sometimes I feel,

I love him to the core.

But he, he’s not aware…

Not aware of the Heart he tore.

I am no expert,

When it comes to love.

Is it restricting?

Or does it let you fly free, like a dove?

I may or may not love this man.

What I do know is,

My happiness lies in his.

If only he knew…if only.

Is Life a Bitch?

Sometimes life can be a bitch. You do so many things that you regret…but you never realise the lessons they teach you. After all, you do learn from mistakes.

It’s never easy to go through a break up. It’s never easy to go through a fucked up break up either. You know; the ones where you have a misunderstanding and you have a huge fight. What makes it even worse? Social networks or let’s broaden it a little; the recent developments in technology from internet to cell phones to whatever else I am not aware of.

"My ex and I broke up about 4 and a- half years back. I still read the fucked up message he sent me when we broke up. What’s even more fucked up is that the message pin points on certain personal traits of mine; some that I reflect upon when I am introspecting; some that I know are my bad qualities. It’s bad enough when you know your negative qualities, but for someone to list them out and give them to you, that sucks. Major. And at the back of my mind, I am very much aware that I have access to a list of my shitty qualities, hidden deep in some Facebook message." - An Anonymous Friend.

Technology is a major contributing factor to many misunderstandings these days. Think about it. I easily get jealous when I see a guy I have a crush on with some other chic on Facebook, posing for sultry kind of pictures; Or when he comments on her pictures. Gah. What the hell? Back off bitch! See? If this is my reaction to a freaking guy I have a crush on, how would it be if he were my boyfriend?

"The problem with our generation is that we
are so dependent on technology..."
Photograph by: Jiyoon Kim

The problem with our generation is that we are so dependent on technology rather than our own feelings. We are willing to believe pictures, messages, wallposts, tweets and what not from various social networks, but we hardly trust the person. We judge people by their pictures, statuses, notes, etc. but we never give them a chance to explain themselves.

Lesson learnt? A rather cliché one…but never judge a book by its cover. To make it more understandable for our generation, never judge a person by their Facebook profile.

Life is a bitch. That’s only a belief. If you want to make it better, life is still a bitch. But a bitch gives birth to cute puppies. Life is a bitch. But it’ll give you those happy moments when you need them. Just don’t let petty things like technology ruin it for you. Technology didn't make us, we made technology.

"We're all afraid to speak up. So instead we assume, misunderstand, and complicate everything." - @wizdom

Love, Marriage and all that

Recently, my sister and I were talking about marriage. She told me, "You have to get married. But not early." And I was like "Cool cool." all chilled. Then she says, "Find a guy from Canada! Then we can live together." And I was like "Cool cool."

Again, I have a cool mother. She said, "Anu, please find yourself a boyfriend." And I was like "Cool cool." (Bet you guessed my reaction). Mom continued, "But he has to be Hindu, Brahmin, Iyer if possible, okay?"

Sigh. Do you fall in love with specifications? It's not like I am going to ask the guy before I fall in love with him, "Are you Iyer? Do you live in Canada?" I'll just fall in love. I am not going to fall in love with him because of his geographical location but because of his personality; how he is as a person, how he treats me, what he likes, what we share in common and so on.

I recently read a quote:

"Much of the pain in life comes from having a life plan that you've fallen in love with, and when it doesn't work out, you become angry that you now have to pursue a new life plan. If you want to tame your inner demons, you must not become too attached to any particular life plan, and remain open to there being an even better, happier life plan."

Therefore, I cannot plan who I fall in love with. I can just fall in love.

Having said that, the rate at which I am going, I will eventually end up marrying someone my parents choose for me anyway. So this blogpost is for people who still believe they can find someone on their own :P Peace and love to one and all :)

I miss

The crazy moments,
The random photo sessions,
The gossip sessions,
The water vapour incidents,
The self pity sessions,
The times we made random funny faces,
The dance sessions,
The baking and cooking sessions,
The junk food and mid night snacks,
The endless music,
The secret road trips,
The hair straightening sleepy times,
The spider incidents,
The Pepsi incident,
The Chingola days,
The pizza nights,
The 2 weeks we went on a Friends spree,
The sleep talks,
The secrets,
The sudden outbursts of off tune singing,
The advice sessions,
The boy talks,
The future planning talks,
And most of all,
I miss you.

Father and Child

This post is dedicated to my Father and all other Fathers in the world.

Every man talks about the heart warming relationship between a mother and her child. However, the relationship between a father and his child is equally heart warming and special.

A father always shares a special bond with his child, be it his son or his daughter. He will always treasure the moments he has spent with his children; be it a small game of baseball with his son or a special talk with his daughter before her first date.

Photographer: Lakshmi Subramaniyam

In any case, it is always the father who helps the child realise his responsibilities. When a child walks into his house with a report card full of red marks, it is the father's duty to analyse this report card. Normal situations like these will involve the father getting into a rage. But at the end of the day, the father sits his child down and explains the importance of education to the kid. During these small talks is when the father and child bond.

I remember my father advising me when I didn't fair well in my exams. He told me that it didn't matter and that at least I passed. He talked to me about his personal experiences of failure. I always look up to him. He has always been supportive of what my sister and I do. He has always talked to us when something went wrong and always chose the right words to say.

It is typical that the child may react in a negative manner. However, as the child matures, he realises the importance of his father's words. I know I always do. It is because of the advice and scoldings that when a child grows up, he gains a sense of responsibility.

Any relationship has stages of progression. But that one of a father and his child is special and lasts forever. I love you Appa.