What is Marriage?

Dear Me,

• I trust you with everything. 
• I've shared everything with you, with no judgement from your side.
• I love how you're genuinely happy when I tell you my happy stories.
• You always listen to my endless and irritating rants. And I mean listen, listen.
• You always make me smile.
• I know I'll never be bored with you.
• No matter how much time we spend together, how much we talk, I'm always left wishing for more. 
• But while I'm left wishing for more, I love that you understand when we need space.
• I'm a better person because of you constantly pushing me and encouraging me to do things out of my comfort zone.

...and you want me to let all this go?

Love,

Me

(Was that a bit creepy? Like a psychological thriller?)

I do all these things to myself and fail to understand why I need someone else in the equation to fulfill that. Why is marriage such a huge topic of discussion in our society, immediately after a job is found? Is there no room for the above...at least for a few years? Are we not meant to make a life for ourselves and live it, before we add someone else to the equation? Why do have to always be dependent on someone for life to move on? Why can't we make our own actions, hardships and thoughts work for us?

As an almost 23 year old woman, I find the topic of marriage (or commitment in general) a very minuscule part of my life. There are way more important things on my mind - How can I spend more time with my family? Where will I be five years from now in my career path? How do I settle down in my new job? How to I adapt to the new environment I'm in? Who are my friends? Where do I visit next year? 

This isn't a feminist rant (I'm not a feminist) or a vent session from personal conversations at home. My parents kinda think the way I do. Yeah the topic comes up, but I think having had two daughters, they sort of understand where I'm coming from. They encourage me to be independent. Now don't think marriage is dependence. It's not. I can't speak for marriage right now, but I can't speak against it either.

The whole point of this long rant is - marriage should not be an ultimate goal in life. Marriage should not be a topic of discussion for any woman or man aged below 28 (unless they consent it, then yay, good for you). Marriage should not be looked down upon either. 

Marriage and commitment should not be feared, but should not be the center of attention either.

Please note that these are personal opinions. Please feel free to voice your own in a comment below or email me :)

Simply Love

Loving someone and being in love are two entirely different things. And when the two clash, it's a myriad of emotions. One wants to you do the right thing while the other is blind. Conflicted emotions are the worst. Why can't love be simple?

Or maybe it is. And if it's not, it's probably not meant to be. But they say all relationships go through hardships. So is that not love? Do you work towards love? Is love even the ultimate thing? I'm not a romantic. The idea nauseates me. But I believe in simple love - family, friendships, high school crushes...but most importantly, loving yourself. Because if you love yourself, you'll see your flaws and if not accept them, try to help yourself change them for the better.

I guess love has different forms. It's really how you and your experiences that allow you to define and perceive it in your own unique way.

And before I get a million questions as to why I posted this, here's the inspiration:

rmdrk - Instagram

Moving On...

I think the main reason we don't like moving on is because it's a cause for change. And as humans, we don't like change. Which is weird considering we don't like eating the same thing everyday...

But sometimes you don't know it, and life gives you the most inevitable change possible...and in that moment, you hate life. You don't want it to change. You want things to be the way they are. But why are we so resistant to change? I mean, not all change is bad. In fact, most of the changes are good. We don't know it because we're programmed to think they're bad.

When I left Zambia for India, I didn't know what to expect. I was very much against the idea of moving to India. I didn't want to be around people I don't know and most certainly did not want a change in cultural and social norms. But when I got there, I understood how I was completely wrong about India. I grew to love the place, and not just because the food was nice but because I made some amazing friends!

After establishing a fantastic social circle in India, I didn't want to leave that and move to Swansea. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to move, but at the same time, I wasn't sure if people abroad would be as chilled and fun as the friends I made in Bangalore.

Yet again, my expectations proved me wrong. I met, once more, an amazing group of friends in Swansea and they made the experience all the more culturally fulfilling and equally fun! And having never lived by the sea, Swansea certainly made me a beach lover.

Now that this journey has come to an end, I'm moving back to India. And because my previous experience with India was amazing, I'm not scared of this change. It's giving me an opportunity to move on. I've made some sensible decisions in Swansea, but also some rather stupid ones. And I have a chance to move on. I am definitely scared to move on from student life to work life. But that's change innit? Inexorable. Inevitable. Surprising. And a mix of good and bad. If you want to move on, you gotta let go of the past, let go of expectations and most importantly, let go of yourself. And if you understood that, you, my friend, are ready for a change :)

SOCIAL NORMS

A lot of things we do are because of social norms. Kinda like, "What will the neighbours think?"

Why do we have to do things because our neighbours are going to say something? I don't even talk to my neighbours. The problem is that people always need some sort of gossip to talk about. If I came home with a boy, who could be my cousin for all they know, it would still turn out be the gossip of our neighbourhood..."Oh you know! She brought home a boy and they locked the doors!" Do you even realise how disturbing that is?!

If it's not that, it's something else. There's always something else. "Haan beta. You've finished your masters. Now time to get married uh?" Uh no. There's something called "a job." I didn't go abroad, work hard, have my dad invest in me so much, to just get married. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage. It'll happen. Just not now. And not for the sake of making society happy.

It's even little things. Just the other day, my friend and I were talking about how if we don't attend a dinner that some family friend has invited us for, that's it. That's enough material for them to start - "She didn't even say hello and I personally called her and invited here!" No you didn't. You called my mother. Do you even know my number? -_-

Like seriously. Einstein was right - for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In this case, it's just an opposite reaction.

Disclaimer - not a personal attack at anyone. So don't go and speak around and say, "oh, she wrote a blog post about this and that. How could she?" -_-

Love should not be taken lightly

Do you know what it's like to love someone unconditionally? To listen to and remember every little detail of their numerous stories...dated back to even a year ago. To go through their mood swings with them - their highs, mehs and lows. To create an abundance of memories - pranks, arguments, parties, silence, hugs, tickles, distance...

Distance, misunderstandings, miscommunication, being taken for granted, separate lives - circumstances that end a love like that. Overwhelming. I'll never put myself through that again....invest myself in someone so much.

The fear of losing someone you love is something we all go through. But that's love. It never leaves you. It always surrounds you. You rarely see it. You choose not to see it. You're taken for granted and it is gut wrenching. But who have you been taking for granted? .

Emotional Baggage?

The epitome of true friendship lies in many things. But the one thing I probably would expect is being there. Not physically but emotionally.

Everyone carries emotional baggage - be it dramatic, small or even stupid - we all do. Some are lucky to have someone in their lives to exhaust it on - a venting machine (geddit?) Others just find other ways to channel the frustration - art, music, writing, going for a walk, plummet into work...and so on.

Relationships change. People change. Life changes. It's all inexorable. And everyone knows this. It's not new.

But what many people don't realise is that the change is very effective on various things in life. It could change an entire relationship - its dynamic, communication, perspectives and perhaps even the level of likability. When change happens, that's when the true character of certain people is revealed.

Some people love changes. A constant in life can be quite annoying. But sometimes, a constant is a good thing.

I really don't know what the theme of this post is. I just feel like it's been a while since I did an emotional post. Maybe I had to channel my emotional baggage*. :)

*my emotional baggage - the sadness of many TV shows ending and job applications.

This song is dedicated to my job applications...because they're always in my head:

'Always in my head' by Coldplay

Loving and Falling in Love

Obviously there is a distinct difference between the two. I can love anyone or anything. Like I love coffee. But falling in love is more emotional, meaningful and sometimes unrequited. But that's not the point. The point is, I have fallen in love twice. And both, sadly, with fictional characters.

Bet you see where the post is going. It's not about the downside of love. Or the love in my life. I have sufficient love in my life. My family loves me and I love them back. That's all that matters. Friends do love...but only if you're really really really really close.

Moving on. The two characters I've been "in love" with are Dean from Supernatural and Stiles from Teen Wolf. Now before you judge a show by it's name, give it a watch. I seriously think the writers of Teen Wolf should have named their show something else...like Wolf Bane (as suggested by Tanushree). That way, their show would have no comparison to the sad series of Twilight. Seriously, the two are not even remotely related!

Getting back to the point, I am obviously, not in love with these two characters. If similar people existed in my life, I probably would fall in love with them. That's the thing with love...it's all very subjective. We sometimes have that feeling, when your friend tells you about someone they like and you're all "Him? Seriously? What do you see in him?" If we all saw the same in everyone, we'd end up loving the same people...and we don't want that, do we?

So, don't ever judge your friends for who they like. Let people make their life happen the way they want it. Do not interfere. Love is subjective...accept it that way.

And on that note, here is a video made by my friend, Bettina, on the love of my life, Stiles! Enjoy:

boredsleepycranky - [M.E.R.C.Y]. Stiles Stilinski

Moments

Effed up moments

That moment...

when your crush walks by and all you can do is stare like a creepy owl. o.O

when you want to hug someone and instead they choose to shake hands. >_<

when you open a bag of chips but they decide to volcano erupt on you. -_-

Awesome moments!

That moment...

when you and your friend have telepathic conversations in front of an idiot. ^_^

when you think it's Tuesday, but it's actually Friday! B-)

when there's chocolate ice cream in your freezer. <3

Moments to move on...

That moment...

when you realise your soul mate is in New York (he loves penguins).

when you tell a guy he is perfect for you and he replies saying, "oh...okay..." 

when you eat tonnes of junk food and think it's okay but subconsciously you know it's not.

Moments to cherish

That moment...

when your mom Whatsapp texts you to pass time. :-)

when your sister gets hungry because you're Skype cooking lunch. :D

when your dad scolds you, you retaliate maturely and he says you've good English. xD

Of Love and Other Things Part II

Click here to read Part I.

So I'm in my final year of University...I'm less than a month away from the much hyped "21st Birthday"...and I'm still the same old crazy, food loving, pathetically in love, slightly delirious and weird girl.

So...have I learned what love is? Meh. Not really. I've had eye candy moments here and there...sometimes some profound feelings for some guy here and there. I'm like a remote control...just changing channels here and there! Muhahaha.

No serious talk though, love isn't something that can be defined noh? Going through a weird phase in life right now, I cannot be more sure about this. One cannot define love. There are just instances and moments that do so.

Recently, I came across a blog, that made me, for the first time, appreciate technology. They do make relationships work. I mean sure, their in-your-face sweet concept of maintaining a blog as a couple made me feel a little "icky" (Friends reference!) inside...but only because they have what we're all looking for...or at least something similar.

So here's the story...boy and girl meet, start dating, still dating...long distance! How do they get through long distance? Maintain a blog about it, together! Get them "awwws" rolling outta your tongue people!! Click here to read their blog.

Happy reading! :)

The Complicated Guy/Gal

You know there's that one friend we all have, who is a douche? The one who's always mean. And picking on you. And calling you names. And irritating you. And taking the joy out of everything? Buzz kill.

But...

That one person is there for you. When you need it. They listen to your over dramatic but minuscule problems...they advice you, then make fun of you. They irritate you...then say sorry.

It's like, I like you. But I'll be mean to you. But I want you to like me too. Coz this is who I am. Bitch.

It's probably the best friendship you have. Believe me. Nothing is stronger than accepting a person for who they are...rather than expecting them to change. Or making them change. Would you change yourself, just to make someone else happy?

It's probably the core of all relationships. Accept, Trust and be Honest. Everything else will make sense then.

(I'm sure if my bunch of douchy friends read this, they'll criticise it...but I love 'em anyway!)

To Friendship! 

What is Love?

I'd like to tell you a story. A story of a young woman who fell in love.
She fell in love, like any other adolescent...pictured it all with him; and beyond.
The love was reciprocated. With half mind and half soul.
"But who cares?" She thought.
I'm the other half...mind and soul.

After all, love is a two way street. It's not that complicated.
Why do people ponder, cry and die, over a feeling so elated?
It's filled with moments, joy and kindness.
Some ups and downs too, but it's not always a mess.
People and their nonsensical thoughts!

A few months down the lane. So empty. So cold.
He broke her heart. Went off with another.
One that reciprocated with full mind and full soul.
Is this love? Is this how it feels?
Dead, cold and full of cries and appeals?

It's not nonsensical.
It's not a two way street. It never was.
It's always a one way street.
Whether reciprocated or not.

"The One"

There are many Movies, Series, Books and what not about "The One". It's nice, romantic, sweet, yada yada. But it's also a sort of myth.

Now, don't get me wrong. If you've found "the one" then good for you. But for people like me, who are still in search of "the one", I've some reality checks for you...uh...us?

Looking for "The One"
Photograph By: Tanushree Dwivedi

Constantly looking for "the one" creates a sort of ideal. It's like falling in love with the concept of love. Furthermore, if you do meet someone, you start off well, of course. But as time goes on, you may try to change the person to match the "ideal" you had in mind.

Which brings me to my second point: why are we on this search for "the one"? Why can't we date like normal people? Like Monica, Rachel and Joey from Friends? Why should we be like Ted from How I Met Your Mother? (Although he's had his moments too) Just let life flow.

I'm probably not the one to preach as half my posts are about love and what not. But making our life revolve around finding "the one" is kinda a waste. I blame movies and series for making this the main quest of life. It's silly.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've to go and get my binoculars. My potential "the one" is standing outside. 

Dating and All That Jazz

Recently, I've been thinking. Dating is a concept that's very common these days. It's nice to be in a relationship with someone. Thing is, men think differently about it and women think differently about it.

When men date, they go with the flow, which is probably good at times. It's good to be relaxed in a relationship. Take things slow and the way they come. Women, on the other hand, always think about "where this is going". Are they going to get married? Are they going to break up? How many kids are they going to have?

I may be wrong. Like I've said earlier, I base most of my thoughts on stereotypes.

Having said all this, have you noticed how people merge to be one when they're dating? They start sounding more like each other - the way they talk, their opinions, those tiny annoying habits. It's creepy. Suddenly, you start seeing one body and two heads. Creepy.

Mind you, this is only when it comes to dating. When people are married, the body starts separating and they start getting more comfy with each other. Why? Because there is a legal contract binding them together. Muhahahaha!

Discover Yourself
Photography By Author

Anyway, point being, when you're dating someone, you tend to lose yourself. Your identity, your opinions, your way of thinking, etc. It starts becoming "we think", "we like", "we want to do"...let me know if I'm wrong.

Ergo, if you're a teenager, and you're reading this, please, don't date. The teenage phase of life is when you actually discover who you are. Give yourself those years to create an awesome identity for yourself. Don't let someone else create your identity. If, by any chance, that someone leaves, you will feel like half of your identity is suddenly gone, and you'll go through a fucked up phase of what you will call "depression" and your friends around you will call "attention seeking". It's neither. It's just restlessness.

If you are in a relationship, just be careful not to lose yourself. Don't always nod your head to what your partner wants you to do. If you don't like something, express it. After all, your partner needs to love you. Not an ideal you that you're making for him/her. Let people appreciate you for who you are. Don't create someone you don't know. It will bite you later on. 

10 Advantages of Heartbreak

It may be a little stupid, silly, unrealistic perhaps. But it's something I've always wanted to write about. I mean, it's better to look at the positives right?

1. Eat Chocolates/Ice Cream without feeling guilty. You deserve it.
2. Your taste in music is likely to get good (or better than before).
3. You discover new things about yourself - introspection.
4. You realise who your true friends are - those who genuinely care and are there for you.
5. You'll probably become good at writing poetry...or quotes.
6. Distraction causes you to find new interests.
7. Distraction also causes you to finish all your pending work in time (sometimes even earlier) - efficiency.
8. You tend to appreciate nature (more than before anyway).
9. This is probably the only phase in life where "Chic Flicks" are appreciated and make sense (It's an advantage for them, if not you, at least).
10. You escaped being with someone who could be a jerk. (Even if you were in love with him/her, they broke your heart. Ergo, they suck).

I also read this somewhere: "If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So shut up!"
Funny, eh? Profoundness in play: If someone hurt you emotionally, it's not the end of the world. Or the end of your life. Move on. Life is a long journey involving beauty, nature, wonderful people and love; don't let petty things (or people) ruin it for you.

Selena Gomez and The Scene - Who Says

Love

It has no definite definition;
It's of many genres - mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, relatives, friends, relationships;
It's complicated;
It's simple;
It's tough;
It's easy;
It's based more on action - care, a hug, a kiss, a smile, a message, a gesture;
It goes through many tests - tears, smiles, pranks, dates;
It's intensity is immeasurable;
It's crazy;
It's pure;
It's painful;
It's relaxing;
It's overrated;
It's true if you grow old together;
It's not about compromise - or completion;
It's about complementing each other;
It's never planned;
It just happens...

Dil Chata Hai - Jaane Kyon

"The Heart Wants - Wonder Why"

(This video has the option for subtitles)

Distance

With family, it could be the worst.
With friends, it could be bad.
With lovers, it could be heartbreaking.
With acquaintances, it could be a new beginning.

With family, it's a bonding factor.
With friends, it's a travel opportunity.
With lovers, it's a test.
With acquaintances, it's a new friendship.

In the past, there were letters.
In the present, there's Skype.
In the future, who knows?

One thing is for sure,
Distance formulates value.
Formulates strength.
Formulates responsibility.

It strengthens emotions.
Intensifies feelings.
Creates realizations.
Builds up personality.

Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles

"Where Are We?"

You know, when you're in a relationship, you usually tend to have that "Where are we?" conversation. I mean, are we having fun? Or are we in love? Are we moving in together? So many questions.

Point is, why can't this question be applied to someone you're friends with? Close to, as a friend? I mean, I have a friend. We're really close. But she treats people who she hardly talks to way more special than she treats me. She wished a friend she hardly talks to on Facebook, dedicating a birthday status to her. All I got was a text message. I mean I'm not jealous or anything, but after all we've been through, I expect some sort of priority treatment.

So that takes us back to the last post, Priority or Option? It breaks my heart when things like this happen. I know I shouldn't feel bad about such a petty thing. Such things are probably not worth questioning a friendship. But such vague behavior can hurt a person. I am only human, no?

It was a good day; but a bad one too.
This is more a venting out session than an actual moral type blogpost so I apologise.
Good thing is, you've a song to listen to. So enjoy that!
Peace.

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Express Yourself

So I haven’t blogged in a while. I was on holiday. And then exams came in the way (they still are in the way but it’s a good stress buster to blog. There are other ways too but for that you can refer to my other blogpost, 10 Things I did Last Night Instead of Studying).

First of all, Happy New Year! It’s 2013 and we can finally get over the whole “The world is ending” crap. The world will never end. Period.

So this post is an inspiration from the recent trip to Zambia. It was a rather short one but it was eventful. Lots of ups and downs, realisations, responsibilities, advice sprees, catching up with old friends, realising who your friends really are, hanging out with kids and realising they’re not kids anymore and so on.

But the most important lesson I learned when I was there is that priorities change. Yes. They do. As you mature, so do your priorities. 4 years back, my priority was to make the guy that I am in love with realise that I am in love with him. And for some reason, I wanted him to love me back. Today, I look back at that 16 year old and laugh. What kind of shitty priority is that for a 16 year old girl? I didn’t even understand what love was at that age.

Today, my priority is to do well in my exams. I have to do well. Why? Because I finally realise the amount of efforts my parents are putting in to educate me. I mean, some people out there do not even have the opportunity to be educated. Why should I throw my opportunity down the drain? Plus, my second (and main) reason is that I LOVE MY COURSE. I know what I want to do when I am done. Which is why I cannot wait till I am done!

But who knows, tomorrow my priority could change. I may be married and my priority would be to make breakfast for my husband. Gosh. To even think of that is not a good feeling. No. My husband shall make his own breakfast.

Anyway, point being, even though your priorities do change, just remember that you shouldn’t change. If you want to do well in your exams, do well – study hard, work hard but keep time for some relaxation too. Let the information sink in. Remember, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” On the same lines, if you get married or get a girlfriend/boyfriend, spend time with them – make them feel special, treat them like they deserve to be treated; but keep time for your family and friends too…your parents, siblings, good friends, etc.

Life is too short to sit and prioritise all the time. Don’t let maturity or age affect your priorities. Sometimes, let go, live life and be spontaneous. Friends come and go, girlfriends come and go, boyfriends come and go, exams come and go, jobs come and go but relationships? Family? Good friends? They’re here to stay forever. If you’re reading this, take out our phone or open Facebook. Message your mom or dad or best friend and just tell them that you love them. Life is too short to wait. Express yourself. 

Use and Throw

Having lived in this world for 20 years, I now know the value that people hold. Yes. Being 20 can make you wise. Okay, maybe not. But trust me, I  may know more at my age than my parents did when they were my age. This is all thanks to the developments in technology and something called "Google" that helps me search for everything...even ridiculous things.

Thanks to development, we are all self obsessed. Yes. I am too. This is why I have this blog. And 10 different profile pictures on Facebook of just me. Without anyone else. I am self obsessed. I like to tell my stories. I like to talk about my experiences. I like to take pictures of myself (please don't give me that look. I know you do too. At least I don't do it in the bathroom!). I like to update my Facebook status and get many likes. I like to see the number of followers on Twitter increase. I like to see the number of blog views increase. I AM SELF OBSESSED.

However, last night, I noticed how being self obsessed has turned me into someone I am not. It has changed me from that nice small town girl to some spoiled brat that only cares about...well...herself? It's not that I don't listen to other people's problems and stories. I do. But I immediately think of a story that relates to me. Which is sad.

This brings me to my next point. This post is not going to just criticize me; it's going to criticize all my friends too. Yes. You guys. Well not in specific. But you may want to think about it. The number of times I have tried to keep in touch with people is uncountable. But their side of the effort is not even 1/8th of mine. The number of times I have sent a 'good morning' message to my friends is again uncountable. But never once have I received the same. The number of times people have come to me for help is uncountable. But when I ask for the same, they're all busy.

I had a friend, 4 years back, who had the same issue with me. It was then that I told her, "In friendship, you don't expect the other person to return favours." Clearly I was wrong. It's not meant to be favours. If it is a favour, it's not friendship. All actions have to be based purely on care. In any relationship.

With that, I'll end by saying, do not ruin your character by getting too involved in technology. Give time for the reality of life to sink in. Because once reality hits you, you may not be able to face it.

NB: The examples given above are purely fictional. Please do not relate to them or find them offensive. 

HIGH EXPECTATIONS = HIGH DISAPPOINTMENTS

If only he knew...

If only he knows, if only.

If only he knows how I feel,

When he stares at other women,

From top to heel.

If only he knows how I feel,

When he ignores me.

Feelings, I have to conceal.

Ours is a special relationship,

Like no other.

We’re best friends, perhaps more;

Or only I think so. 

Sometimes I feel,

I love him to the core.

But he, he’s not aware…

Not aware of the Heart he tore.

I am no expert,

When it comes to love.

Is it restricting?

Or does it let you fly free, like a dove?

I may or may not love this man.

What I do know is,

My happiness lies in his.

If only he knew…if only.