Emotional Baggage?

The epitome of true friendship lies in many things. But the one thing I probably would expect is being there. Not physically but emotionally.

Everyone carries emotional baggage - be it dramatic, small or even stupid - we all do. Some are lucky to have someone in their lives to exhaust it on - a venting machine (geddit?) Others just find other ways to channel the frustration - art, music, writing, going for a walk, plummet into work...and so on.

Relationships change. People change. Life changes. It's all inexorable. And everyone knows this. It's not new.

But what many people don't realise is that the change is very effective on various things in life. It could change an entire relationship - its dynamic, communication, perspectives and perhaps even the level of likability. When change happens, that's when the true character of certain people is revealed.

Some people love changes. A constant in life can be quite annoying. But sometimes, a constant is a good thing.

I really don't know what the theme of this post is. I just feel like it's been a while since I did an emotional post. Maybe I had to channel my emotional baggage*. :)

*my emotional baggage - the sadness of many TV shows ending and job applications.

This song is dedicated to my job applications...because they're always in my head:

'Always in my head' by Coldplay

The "Real You"

Just recently, I started writing in a journal again. It's a different feeling. I mean, when you write in your own personal journal, you don't care much about grammar, spellings, handwriting and all these norms. I am the "real me" in this journal, I guess.

Perhaps we are all our true selves only personally - if that makes any sense. I can't be the full "real me" in front of others. There are certain things I do when I am alone, like dance crazily. There will always be something, consciously or subconsciously or unconsciously that I will not reveal.

Having said that, is it ever possible to be the "real you"? Think about it; even when you are alone, there are certain things you don't do or won't do which you do when you are with other people. For example, I don't eat in a mannerly order when I'm alone. But in the presence of others, I eat properly with the knife and the fork and what not.

The "real you" is probably never revealed at any time. That's why we have time for introspection. Get to know yourself, but it may never possible to know yourself fully.

Oh well, on that note, here's a song from Disney (sad, I know, but it's late at night and I don't feel like searching for a song):

Demi Levato Feat Joe Jonas - This is Me (Camp Rock)

Distance

With family, it could be the worst.
With friends, it could be bad.
With lovers, it could be heartbreaking.
With acquaintances, it could be a new beginning.

With family, it's a bonding factor.
With friends, it's a travel opportunity.
With lovers, it's a test.
With acquaintances, it's a new friendship.

In the past, there were letters.
In the present, there's Skype.
In the future, who knows?

One thing is for sure,
Distance formulates value.
Formulates strength.
Formulates responsibility.

It strengthens emotions.
Intensifies feelings.
Creates realizations.
Builds up personality.

Vanessa Carlton - A Thousand Miles

Introspection's Synonym: Boredom

So apparently my emotions are reflected on my blog. I really do not know if that’s true? I don’t use my blog for introspection. Introspection is something personal. Something I’d do when I’m alone. But then again, we introspect in a crowd too. Please don’t give the screen that look. We do; in lectures when we’re bored, among friends when we’re bored, when we go through “depression”, when we go through a break up, when we go through a fucked up phase in life…why is introspection associated with negativity?

Come to think of it, I don’t think a person sits and thinks about their positive qualities. It’s always about the negative qualities. I don’t think a person sits and thinks to themselves, “I have a nice face…and eyes…” there’s always that “but” factor after the positives. “I have a nice face…and eyes…but I am fat.”

Anyway, I really do not know the point of this blog. Or maybe I do. Maybe it’s a form of introspection. How I use the virtual world to escape from the real world. How I use my blog and its audience as a form of venting my emotions…both positive and negative.

Today’s reasons for introspection: Essay stress, Exam stress, Studies, Crush problems and the fact that I will no longer be a teenager in 2 days.

Introspection, yes? No. Usual teenage stuff? No. Life? No. Boredom? Yes. 

To prove that I'm bored (and stressed): I wrote this blog while sitting on a kitchen counter. Yes. I am awesome...but sad. 

Life

We all love our parents don't we? And of course, our parents loved their parents didn't they? Then I have one question; why were old age homes invented?

Sure everything revolves around money today. That's a fact. Fact fact fact. Am sure Mr Gradgrind from Charles Dickens' 'Hard Times' would be so proud of me for saying this. No emotions involved...just a mechanical life: Go to work, make money, come home, eat, shit, sleep, wake up the next day and do it all over again.

Has it never occurred to the kids who dump their parents in old age homes that their parents could have dumped them in an orphanage as well? Or left them on the streets? But they didn't! They took care of you; when you lied, they scolded you; when you were down, they encouraged you; when you hurt yourself, they took care of you. How do you have the heart to dump someone who gave birth to you? Who brought you into this world? Who made you who you are today?

Life is too short to live mechanically. It's the small things in life we need to appreciate. It's the people in our lives who make a difference. I learned recently:

"One day, you need to have someone with
whom you can look back at these memories..."
Photograph by: Tanushree Dwivedi

It took time, but I learnt to live.

However be the days, I have learnt to live,

Now I have known this, what's happiness and what's sorrow;

Both are weathers of two moments;

Neither they wait nor stay.

Life gets made of two colours, 

Now angry, now placated.

This, this is here...

- Der lagi lekin maine ab hai jeena seekh liya, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

Learn to live, yes. Seize the moment, yes. Make memories, yes. But never do these things alone. One day, you need to have someone with whom you can look back at these memories. Family, friends, strangers, lovers...everyone means something at some point in your life. 

"Shit Happens"

A lot of shit happens when you're in University. Especially if you're abroad. Oh and don't take me wrong. "Shit" isn't bad things. You know how the jargon of today's world is: "This shit is cool!" kinda "shit" :P

Anyway, living alone, abroad, no restrictions; sounds fun no? Meh. It's pretty much the same. In fact, you start to miss the times when you had some people around you. Sure I've only been here a week or so, and I've made a few friends. But it's only been 10 days. I mean, who can you open up to in 10 days? Speaking to these people online before meeting them isn't getting to know them. It takes time for the comfort level to sink in I guess. Then again, everything takes time. 

One thing you will definitely enjoy is the lectures. The lectures here are beyond amazing. For one, everyone shuts up. <3 Bless them. And the lecturer isn't boring. He makes the lectures as interesting as possible. Maybe that's why everyone shuts up :P

Going back to the "shit": As we all say, shit happens. I've had my ups and downs. Hell I've already had disputes with my 10 day friends. :D But we still hang out because they just that cool B-) See the cool "shit" now? :P

This wasn't really a post as such. Just a time to let out what I have on my mind. Emotional mix up and all that jazz in my head so needed to do this. All hail blogging <3