Fusion

One night as I was going to sleep, I was listening to my music. I got the idea that I should compile a few lyrics of various songs to make a poem; and this is an attempt. It doesn't make much sense, I feel. But any feedback, criticism and comments are welcome! The songs used and links to the originals are provided at the end of the "poem".

[No copyright infringement intended]

FUSION

Never put my love out on the line,
Never really noticed;
All the little things you did.
It makes all the difference.

I leave my heart open,
Although I am broken;
It's not all darkness,
It's not all light.

I got nothing,
But my aching soul.
You don't have to fix this;
Sit with me tonight.

I gasp for air,
Little did I know;
It hurts so bad.
It hit me...
Like a Heart Attack.

Song List:

1. Demi Lovato: Heart Attack

2. Enrique: Finally Found You

3. Enrique: Heart Attack

4. Garriston Starr: Sit With Me Tonight

5. Lana Del Ray: Young and Beautiful

6. One Direction: Story of My Life

Heartbeat

Last night, as I was falling asleep, I could hear this constant beating sound. My head was on the pillow and I could hear it...with a constant beat every second. I knew what it was. But it made me think...as a kid, I didn't know what it was. And I had many theories about it.

1. Little ants are gathering matchsticks
2. Little men are cleaning my pillow while singing songs
3. Little people are playing African Drums
4. Someone is washing clothes inside my pillow
5. Partayyy!

Anyway...for those of you who are still lost, that sound is a heartbeat. Sound is clearest through solids. So my heartbeat could be heard so clearly because the sound of it traveled through my body into the solid pillow.

This made me realise...the heart is such a small organ. Yet it plays such a huge role in our life. It's what makes us survive. Literally! Physically, it pumps blood throughout the body. Emotionally, it makes us love...and emote otherwise.

That moment while I was lying down, I heard my heartbeat for almost 15 minutes continuously. Those were the longest 15 minutes of my life. But it was a moment that made me realise how time flies. How I can utilise 15 minutes in life. Time is a sort of perspective. It depends on how we look at it. We just don't have control over it. That's all.

Such a small thing...such a loud message. The wonders of life. 

Life

We all love our parents don't we? And of course, our parents loved their parents didn't they? Then I have one question; why were old age homes invented?

Sure everything revolves around money today. That's a fact. Fact fact fact. Am sure Mr Gradgrind from Charles Dickens' 'Hard Times' would be so proud of me for saying this. No emotions involved...just a mechanical life: Go to work, make money, come home, eat, shit, sleep, wake up the next day and do it all over again.

Has it never occurred to the kids who dump their parents in old age homes that their parents could have dumped them in an orphanage as well? Or left them on the streets? But they didn't! They took care of you; when you lied, they scolded you; when you were down, they encouraged you; when you hurt yourself, they took care of you. How do you have the heart to dump someone who gave birth to you? Who brought you into this world? Who made you who you are today?

Life is too short to live mechanically. It's the small things in life we need to appreciate. It's the people in our lives who make a difference. I learned recently:

"One day, you need to have someone with
whom you can look back at these memories..."
Photograph by: Tanushree Dwivedi

It took time, but I learnt to live.

However be the days, I have learnt to live,

Now I have known this, what's happiness and what's sorrow;

Both are weathers of two moments;

Neither they wait nor stay.

Life gets made of two colours, 

Now angry, now placated.

This, this is here...

- Der lagi lekin maine ab hai jeena seekh liya, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

Learn to live, yes. Seize the moment, yes. Make memories, yes. But never do these things alone. One day, you need to have someone with whom you can look back at these memories. Family, friends, strangers, lovers...everyone means something at some point in your life. 

The Heart wants what the Heart wants

Have you ever been in love with someone? Have you ever got that teeny bit of joy just when a person talks to you , because you know that they're thinking of you? Have you ever had sleepless nights because you can't stop thinking of that one special person?

Sounds too cliche and in the words of Monica from FRIENDS (the TV show), an "ick factor"? Ah well, falling in love is very easy. It could happen within two seconds, or sometimes, even a lifetime isn't enough. But falling out of love, that's a bi*ch!

I blame movies for the whole rosy picture of love. They make it look like every guy on earth thinks about falling in love, when in reality, they don't give a sh*t! Okay, that's not entirely true. There are some guys who will think of getting into a serious relationship; but let's face it, that's like what, one out of a million guys?! Yes there are romantic guys, but we won't get them. Because they're already taken. Or too mature for us. Or way too mushy for us!

I used to think, "why waste your time with love and what not?" One could just live his life alone; travel the world, eat food, not worry about how you look or walk or talk. Then one day, I fell in love. It's a beautiful feeling! Until the guy you fall in love with says, "Let's just be friends." Ouch! Which genius told me to tell him?!

Sure it's easier said than done, "Let's just be friends." A guy and a girl CAN be friends. But after a break up or my situation? You're definitely going to face awkward moments. He may not feel it, but you definitely will.

I have no advice to give. Am just sharing a life's experience. The heart wants what the heart wants. Accept that.

© Anupama Subramaniyam