"The One"

There are many Movies, Series, Books and what not about "The One". It's nice, romantic, sweet, yada yada. But it's also a sort of myth.

Now, don't get me wrong. If you've found "the one" then good for you. But for people like me, who are still in search of "the one", I've some reality checks for you...uh...us?

Looking for "The One"
Photograph By: Tanushree Dwivedi

Constantly looking for "the one" creates a sort of ideal. It's like falling in love with the concept of love. Furthermore, if you do meet someone, you start off well, of course. But as time goes on, you may try to change the person to match the "ideal" you had in mind.

Which brings me to my second point: why are we on this search for "the one"? Why can't we date like normal people? Like Monica, Rachel and Joey from Friends? Why should we be like Ted from How I Met Your Mother? (Although he's had his moments too) Just let life flow.

I'm probably not the one to preach as half my posts are about love and what not. But making our life revolve around finding "the one" is kinda a waste. I blame movies and series for making this the main quest of life. It's silly.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've to go and get my binoculars. My potential "the one" is standing outside. 

Dating and All That Jazz

Recently, I've been thinking. Dating is a concept that's very common these days. It's nice to be in a relationship with someone. Thing is, men think differently about it and women think differently about it.

When men date, they go with the flow, which is probably good at times. It's good to be relaxed in a relationship. Take things slow and the way they come. Women, on the other hand, always think about "where this is going". Are they going to get married? Are they going to break up? How many kids are they going to have?

I may be wrong. Like I've said earlier, I base most of my thoughts on stereotypes.

Having said all this, have you noticed how people merge to be one when they're dating? They start sounding more like each other - the way they talk, their opinions, those tiny annoying habits. It's creepy. Suddenly, you start seeing one body and two heads. Creepy.

Mind you, this is only when it comes to dating. When people are married, the body starts separating and they start getting more comfy with each other. Why? Because there is a legal contract binding them together. Muhahahaha!

Discover Yourself
Photography By Author

Anyway, point being, when you're dating someone, you tend to lose yourself. Your identity, your opinions, your way of thinking, etc. It starts becoming "we think", "we like", "we want to do"...let me know if I'm wrong.

Ergo, if you're a teenager, and you're reading this, please, don't date. The teenage phase of life is when you actually discover who you are. Give yourself those years to create an awesome identity for yourself. Don't let someone else create your identity. If, by any chance, that someone leaves, you will feel like half of your identity is suddenly gone, and you'll go through a fucked up phase of what you will call "depression" and your friends around you will call "attention seeking". It's neither. It's just restlessness.

If you are in a relationship, just be careful not to lose yourself. Don't always nod your head to what your partner wants you to do. If you don't like something, express it. After all, your partner needs to love you. Not an ideal you that you're making for him/her. Let people appreciate you for who you are. Don't create someone you don't know. It will bite you later on. 

Parenting and..um...Children-ing?

Aspect: Parenting teenagers.

Sex is such a taboo thing to talk about in India. Or maybe I just assume. But I do know that the western world is more open in talking about sex, dates, etc. with their children. And I do think this is important. In India, parents probably do talk to their children about all this. But it's all portrayed negatively.

When a girl becomes a teenager, the one advice Indian parents give their daughter(s) is "Beti (daughter), don't talk to boys that much okay? Don't be in the same room with him alone...blah blah."

Again, I may be wrong. My writings are purely based on stereotypes (sad, I know) and a few programs on the television (even more sad, I know). My parents are totally cool. They've had all kinds of talks with me and they know that I prefer to have guy friends than girl friends. This doesn't mean I am a slut and that I've had a gazillion affairs and what not. It just means I prefer to talk about music and movies rather than bitch about people behind their backs. (See? Stereotyping again.)

Because my parents have talked to me about a boy's attitude towards a girl, dating, sex, etc., I know my limits. My parents have told me about everything but they've also let me perceive it the way I want to. I have formed my opinions and principles on my own. They didn't plant it in my head. It's kind of like how the media works (according to Russell Peters): "They kind of present things in a way like 'What do you think?'" Plus when they let you think on your own, you tend to have more respect for them. Because you're being treated like an adult.

I think this is highly essential in parenting. Parents and children need to have a more friendly relationship rather than the whole authoritative picture. Advice should be given on basis of care rather than "Oh what will the neighbors think?" kind of an aspect. Parents and children, both, need to be open with each other. I'm open enough to tell my mother who I am dating or who I am not. Of course, fathers, in this aspect, will probably overreact. But that's only because they know what's going on in a guy's mind.

Having said all this, it's not entirely up to the parents. If you (child, you) want your parents to be more open about discussions about sex, dating, boys, girls, crushes, etc. you need to be open about your life to your parents. You need to tell them how you feel. You don't need to tell them immediately. You can tell them later on. But tell them. At the end of the day, if anything goes wrong, they will be the ones to help you.

So, here's a song to start your discussion. Enjoy!

Bruno Mars - Locked Out Of Heaven

Thank you Amma and Appa: You're the world's best parents! Love you!