Fusion

One night as I was going to sleep, I was listening to my music. I got the idea that I should compile a few lyrics of various songs to make a poem; and this is an attempt. It doesn't make much sense, I feel. But any feedback, criticism and comments are welcome! The songs used and links to the originals are provided at the end of the "poem".

[No copyright infringement intended]

FUSION

Never put my love out on the line,
Never really noticed;
All the little things you did.
It makes all the difference.

I leave my heart open,
Although I am broken;
It's not all darkness,
It's not all light.

I got nothing,
But my aching soul.
You don't have to fix this;
Sit with me tonight.

I gasp for air,
Little did I know;
It hurts so bad.
It hit me...
Like a Heart Attack.

Song List:

1. Demi Lovato: Heart Attack

2. Enrique: Finally Found You

3. Enrique: Heart Attack

4. Garriston Starr: Sit With Me Tonight

5. Lana Del Ray: Young and Beautiful

6. One Direction: Story of My Life

Panic Attacks!

So it's final year of university. Oh. My. God.

It's only been a week of university. And I've had five panic attacks. I even lost my phone for a while!

Which takes me to my next point...why is life so...pressure inducing? I mean, it's only week one and I'm so scared about what life is going to be like once I (hopefully) graduate. Will I do my post graduation? Will I even qualify into a decent university for post graduation? Will I get a decent job? Will I move back to India? Will I go on the free trip to Mars?

So. Much. Pressure.

I know I haven't blogged in a while. Why? PANIC ATTACKS. I've so much going on in terms of academic life...because let's face it, I don't have an exciting social life. My social life is sitting and watching random shows and YouTube videos...and not until recently, vines...while I eat Krave.

Point is, what is the point of all the pressure and panic attacks? It does nothing but make me more nervous. And worried.

But sometimes, I feel like that's a good thing. It means I actually care about what I am going to do in the future. It makes me realise the importance of life in general and where I am in life.

As always, this was an exhaust session. Of thoughts, feelings and panic attacks!
Oh and if you've panic attacks, here are some ways to get back on track:

1. Go to sleep
2. Eat Krave
3. Go for a walk
4. Watch Vine videos (this applies even if you're not the panic types)
5. Write a blog!
6. Take a shower (doesn't matter if you already have)
7. Hide your phone (major distraction)
8. Get off Facebook (posts that people post tend to start panic attacks)
9. Listen to music (preferably Rock or Rap)
10. Talk to a friend

And that's all! I can't ask you to not panic. We all do at some point. Trust me.

The "Real You"

Just recently, I started writing in a journal again. It's a different feeling. I mean, when you write in your own personal journal, you don't care much about grammar, spellings, handwriting and all these norms. I am the "real me" in this journal, I guess.

Perhaps we are all our true selves only personally - if that makes any sense. I can't be the full "real me" in front of others. There are certain things I do when I am alone, like dance crazily. There will always be something, consciously or subconsciously or unconsciously that I will not reveal.

Having said that, is it ever possible to be the "real you"? Think about it; even when you are alone, there are certain things you don't do or won't do which you do when you are with other people. For example, I don't eat in a mannerly order when I'm alone. But in the presence of others, I eat properly with the knife and the fork and what not.

The "real you" is probably never revealed at any time. That's why we have time for introspection. Get to know yourself, but it may never possible to know yourself fully.

Oh well, on that note, here's a song from Disney (sad, I know, but it's late at night and I don't feel like searching for a song):

Demi Levato Feat Joe Jonas - This is Me (Camp Rock)

10 Advantages of Heartbreak

It may be a little stupid, silly, unrealistic perhaps. But it's something I've always wanted to write about. I mean, it's better to look at the positives right?

1. Eat Chocolates/Ice Cream without feeling guilty. You deserve it.
2. Your taste in music is likely to get good (or better than before).
3. You discover new things about yourself - introspection.
4. You realise who your true friends are - those who genuinely care and are there for you.
5. You'll probably become good at writing poetry...or quotes.
6. Distraction causes you to find new interests.
7. Distraction also causes you to finish all your pending work in time (sometimes even earlier) - efficiency.
8. You tend to appreciate nature (more than before anyway).
9. This is probably the only phase in life where "Chic Flicks" are appreciated and make sense (It's an advantage for them, if not you, at least).
10. You escaped being with someone who could be a jerk. (Even if you were in love with him/her, they broke your heart. Ergo, they suck).

I also read this somewhere: "If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead. So shut up!"
Funny, eh? Profoundness in play: If someone hurt you emotionally, it's not the end of the world. Or the end of your life. Move on. Life is a long journey involving beauty, nature, wonderful people and love; don't let petty things (or people) ruin it for you.

Selena Gomez and The Scene - Who Says

Love

It has no definite definition;
It's of many genres - mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, relatives, friends, relationships;
It's complicated;
It's simple;
It's tough;
It's easy;
It's based more on action - care, a hug, a kiss, a smile, a message, a gesture;
It goes through many tests - tears, smiles, pranks, dates;
It's intensity is immeasurable;
It's crazy;
It's pure;
It's painful;
It's relaxing;
It's overrated;
It's true if you grow old together;
It's not about compromise - or completion;
It's about complementing each other;
It's never planned;
It just happens...

Dil Chata Hai - Jaane Kyon

"The Heart Wants - Wonder Why"

(This video has the option for subtitles)

Parenting and..um...Children-ing?

Aspect: Parenting teenagers.

Sex is such a taboo thing to talk about in India. Or maybe I just assume. But I do know that the western world is more open in talking about sex, dates, etc. with their children. And I do think this is important. In India, parents probably do talk to their children about all this. But it's all portrayed negatively.

When a girl becomes a teenager, the one advice Indian parents give their daughter(s) is "Beti (daughter), don't talk to boys that much okay? Don't be in the same room with him alone...blah blah."

Again, I may be wrong. My writings are purely based on stereotypes (sad, I know) and a few programs on the television (even more sad, I know). My parents are totally cool. They've had all kinds of talks with me and they know that I prefer to have guy friends than girl friends. This doesn't mean I am a slut and that I've had a gazillion affairs and what not. It just means I prefer to talk about music and movies rather than bitch about people behind their backs. (See? Stereotyping again.)

Because my parents have talked to me about a boy's attitude towards a girl, dating, sex, etc., I know my limits. My parents have told me about everything but they've also let me perceive it the way I want to. I have formed my opinions and principles on my own. They didn't plant it in my head. It's kind of like how the media works (according to Russell Peters): "They kind of present things in a way like 'What do you think?'" Plus when they let you think on your own, you tend to have more respect for them. Because you're being treated like an adult.

I think this is highly essential in parenting. Parents and children need to have a more friendly relationship rather than the whole authoritative picture. Advice should be given on basis of care rather than "Oh what will the neighbors think?" kind of an aspect. Parents and children, both, need to be open with each other. I'm open enough to tell my mother who I am dating or who I am not. Of course, fathers, in this aspect, will probably overreact. But that's only because they know what's going on in a guy's mind.

Having said all this, it's not entirely up to the parents. If you (child, you) want your parents to be more open about discussions about sex, dating, boys, girls, crushes, etc. you need to be open about your life to your parents. You need to tell them how you feel. You don't need to tell them immediately. You can tell them later on. But tell them. At the end of the day, if anything goes wrong, they will be the ones to help you.

So, here's a song to start your discussion. Enjoy!

Bruno Mars - Locked Out Of Heaven

Thank you Amma and Appa: You're the world's best parents! Love you!

Art, Bullshit and Science

Last night, I was discussing the views of Art with a friend. We were discussing various movies and what not. Art is very subjective, yes? But it can also be very stupid at times. For example, apparently the glow light from "Star Wars" represents the male's penis. Wtf?

Furthermore, I could make up shit like that and it would be so appreciated. "Oh that guys hat in the movie represents America. For no reason. It just does." And some group of "well studied" people will appreciate my understanding to be so profound.

Really now? I know "bullshitting" helps in exams and what not. But like there's an extent for everything, "bullshitting" also has its extent! You can't bullshit your way through a conversation. It will just make you sound ridiculous and slightly stupid. You need some form of knowledge on which you can base your words on.

Many people take advantage of art. They think it's the easiest form of studies and has no structure. It's all subjective and opinion based. Yes, to an extent, that is true. But that doesn't mean it's easy. I'll tell you something, Science, to an extent, is way easier than art. Why? Because Science has a definite answer. Art doesn't. There are so many answers, opinions, discussions, it's endless! You have so many theories and artists to refer to, that you are forced to find someone unique, that no one has ever heard of. You want to be different. In Science, if you're different, you're wrong. In Art, if you're different, you're unique.

Pink Floyd - We Don't Need No Education

"Where Are We?"

You know, when you're in a relationship, you usually tend to have that "Where are we?" conversation. I mean, are we having fun? Or are we in love? Are we moving in together? So many questions.

Point is, why can't this question be applied to someone you're friends with? Close to, as a friend? I mean, I have a friend. We're really close. But she treats people who she hardly talks to way more special than she treats me. She wished a friend she hardly talks to on Facebook, dedicating a birthday status to her. All I got was a text message. I mean I'm not jealous or anything, but after all we've been through, I expect some sort of priority treatment.

So that takes us back to the last post, Priority or Option? It breaks my heart when things like this happen. I know I shouldn't feel bad about such a petty thing. Such things are probably not worth questioning a friendship. But such vague behavior can hurt a person. I am only human, no?

It was a good day; but a bad one too.
This is more a venting out session than an actual moral type blogpost so I apologise.
Good thing is, you've a song to listen to. So enjoy that!
Peace.

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Priority or Option?

This post is dedicated to my family, Amma, Appa, Akka and Jiju, two of my close friends (read sisters) that I've always been thankful to have met, Betty and Seni; and lastly, my friends.

Two posts in a day. Very unlike me. But as regular readers will know, blogging is a way of letting it all out for me. Of course a journal would be ideal. I did start, but it made no sense to me. Why blog and maintain a journal? Plus, a journal is more personal. This isn't.

So, ever been in that situation in life where you do not know whether you are a priority or an option? If you haven't, then you must be one hell of a perfect person. There's always phases in life where you felt used. Maybe a "friend" who has "not spoken to you in a long time" suddenly wants to "compare" (copy) homework. Maybe your friends call you only if they need favours. It's normal.

In life, there's always those bunch of people who will keep you as an option rather than a priority. Why? Because these people are friends. It's very rare for friends to (excuse me for saying this) "tag" you as priority. If there's anyone in the world who prioritizes you rather than look at you as an option, it's your family. If you do have friends who prioritize you, hold on to them. Because they are amazingly rare.

It's always a "Use and Throw" option with people. If they need you, they will use you. Once you're not needed, you're thrown. It's not always the case, but life does take you through a similar situation. Having said all this, I'm not saying everyone is like that. As I said earlier, there are some rare cases.

I've also made it a point to try and incorporate songs that relate to my blogposts. So here goes to my family and friends:

The Remembrandts - I'll Be There For You

Of Love and Other Things

I'm only 20. I don't know what love is. Or maybe I do. But it's a very...um...subjective thing I guess. I mean I have crushes and what not. That's normal. But love is very deep and meaningful, no? It's something that is inexplicable.

I did have this notion that you can fall in love only once thanks to Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. But recently, I've been watching this vlogger called iiSuperwomanii. She brought in a whole new perspective: The intensity of your feelings may change according to your maturity. I mean, I could be 16 but love at that age was probably just infatuation.

At my age, I could probably understand what love is. But even if I do, there's no one for me to share that experience with because I am single. But then again, there's something called "unrequited love" (Thanks Shakespeare). Soooo, point being? Nothing really. There's no point. Maybe that's the point of love. There's no point. It's spontaneous, cryptic, mysterious, confusing...everything you can possibly think about. So if you're in love, please feel free to let me know what it's like.

Having said all this, I really do not know why I am writing this post. I'm not in love. I don't think I've ever experienced that kind of love before. I guess it's just because I'm listening to these cheesy romantic songs that make most girls melt. That happy yet empty place. And I'll end with a song that's been playing all morning. Enjoy!

Andrew Allen - Loving You Tonight

I miss

The crazy moments,
The random photo sessions,
The gossip sessions,
The water vapour incidents,
The self pity sessions,
The times we made random funny faces,
The dance sessions,
The baking and cooking sessions,
The junk food and mid night snacks,
The endless music,
The secret road trips,
The hair straightening sleepy times,
The spider incidents,
The Pepsi incident,
The Chingola days,
The pizza nights,
The 2 weeks we went on a Friends spree,
The sleep talks,
The secrets,
The sudden outbursts of off tune singing,
The advice sessions,
The boy talks,
The future planning talks,
And most of all,
I miss you.