Parenting and..um...Children-ing?

Aspect: Parenting teenagers.

Sex is such a taboo thing to talk about in India. Or maybe I just assume. But I do know that the western world is more open in talking about sex, dates, etc. with their children. And I do think this is important. In India, parents probably do talk to their children about all this. But it's all portrayed negatively.

When a girl becomes a teenager, the one advice Indian parents give their daughter(s) is "Beti (daughter), don't talk to boys that much okay? Don't be in the same room with him alone...blah blah."

Again, I may be wrong. My writings are purely based on stereotypes (sad, I know) and a few programs on the television (even more sad, I know). My parents are totally cool. They've had all kinds of talks with me and they know that I prefer to have guy friends than girl friends. This doesn't mean I am a slut and that I've had a gazillion affairs and what not. It just means I prefer to talk about music and movies rather than bitch about people behind their backs. (See? Stereotyping again.)

Because my parents have talked to me about a boy's attitude towards a girl, dating, sex, etc., I know my limits. My parents have told me about everything but they've also let me perceive it the way I want to. I have formed my opinions and principles on my own. They didn't plant it in my head. It's kind of like how the media works (according to Russell Peters): "They kind of present things in a way like 'What do you think?'" Plus when they let you think on your own, you tend to have more respect for them. Because you're being treated like an adult.

I think this is highly essential in parenting. Parents and children need to have a more friendly relationship rather than the whole authoritative picture. Advice should be given on basis of care rather than "Oh what will the neighbors think?" kind of an aspect. Parents and children, both, need to be open with each other. I'm open enough to tell my mother who I am dating or who I am not. Of course, fathers, in this aspect, will probably overreact. But that's only because they know what's going on in a guy's mind.

Having said all this, it's not entirely up to the parents. If you (child, you) want your parents to be more open about discussions about sex, dating, boys, girls, crushes, etc. you need to be open about your life to your parents. You need to tell them how you feel. You don't need to tell them immediately. You can tell them later on. But tell them. At the end of the day, if anything goes wrong, they will be the ones to help you.

So, here's a song to start your discussion. Enjoy!

Bruno Mars - Locked Out Of Heaven

Thank you Amma and Appa: You're the world's best parents! Love you!

The Stages of Life

The reality of life hurts,

      1.       As a child, you will fall down and hurt yourself

      2.       As a school kid, you will have no best friend

      3.       As a teenager, you will have some fucked up hormonal and emotional swings

      4.       As a late teenager, you will be used and dumped

      5.       As a mature adult, you will work your ass off day and night

      6.       As a mother, you will give up so many things just to stay home and make it a home

      7.       As a father, you will work so hard to provide for your family

      8.       As a sister, you will have endless arguments about silly things with your siblings

      9.       As a wife/husband, you will have to make many sacrifices

      10.   As an old person, you will be bored of life

 But there’s always a “but”

      1.       But later on, you will show off your scar and remember how you stayed strong through it all.

      2.       But, you will have a group of friends with whom you play “mud”.

      3.       But, you will always remember your first crush.

      4.       But, you will never realise how you’ve probably done the same to someone else.

      5.       But, the money is so totally worth it.

      6.       But, it is worth it when your husband and kids say, “Oh what lovely sambar mom!”

      7.       But, it is worth it when your kids grow up and are a success thanks to your education.

      8.       But, it’s the advice sessions that really count!

      9.       But, these sacrifices are what make it work.

      10.   But, you’ll learn to reflect upon the last 9 points of your life and accept that fact that “Life is good. I have lived my life.”

Life

We all love our parents don't we? And of course, our parents loved their parents didn't they? Then I have one question; why were old age homes invented?

Sure everything revolves around money today. That's a fact. Fact fact fact. Am sure Mr Gradgrind from Charles Dickens' 'Hard Times' would be so proud of me for saying this. No emotions involved...just a mechanical life: Go to work, make money, come home, eat, shit, sleep, wake up the next day and do it all over again.

Has it never occurred to the kids who dump their parents in old age homes that their parents could have dumped them in an orphanage as well? Or left them on the streets? But they didn't! They took care of you; when you lied, they scolded you; when you were down, they encouraged you; when you hurt yourself, they took care of you. How do you have the heart to dump someone who gave birth to you? Who brought you into this world? Who made you who you are today?

Life is too short to live mechanically. It's the small things in life we need to appreciate. It's the people in our lives who make a difference. I learned recently:

"One day, you need to have someone with
whom you can look back at these memories..."
Photograph by: Tanushree Dwivedi

It took time, but I learnt to live.

However be the days, I have learnt to live,

Now I have known this, what's happiness and what's sorrow;

Both are weathers of two moments;

Neither they wait nor stay.

Life gets made of two colours, 

Now angry, now placated.

This, this is here...

- Der lagi lekin maine ab hai jeena seekh liya, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

Learn to live, yes. Seize the moment, yes. Make memories, yes. But never do these things alone. One day, you need to have someone with whom you can look back at these memories. Family, friends, strangers, lovers...everyone means something at some point in your life. 

Sin and Sav(i)or

It is the biggest sin any woman can commit,
Or so the media and other women portray.
It's something in my life, that I can never omit,
An important part of my life it has to play.

Photograph by Lakshmi Subramaniyam

A Sin for some women it is,
A Savior for me it is,
In my mouth, it's better than a kiss.
It's more than a thousand words; it is bliss.

It is neither sin, nor savor,
It is brown and melts in your mouth.
It's sweet essence does you a favor,
It sends your troubles, down South.

Many women contemplate,
But children never hesitate.
"Chocolate is a woman's best friend." They say,
But it really makes a child's day.

Would I choose Sin or Savor?
You should know, it is neither.
It is a Sin for some women,
For me, it is a Savior.