Simply Love

Loving someone and being in love are two entirely different things. And when the two clash, it's a myriad of emotions. One wants to you do the right thing while the other is blind. Conflicted emotions are the worst. Why can't love be simple?

Or maybe it is. And if it's not, it's probably not meant to be. But they say all relationships go through hardships. So is that not love? Do you work towards love? Is love even the ultimate thing? I'm not a romantic. The idea nauseates me. But I believe in simple love - family, friendships, high school crushes...but most importantly, loving yourself. Because if you love yourself, you'll see your flaws and if not accept them, try to help yourself change them for the better.

I guess love has different forms. It's really how you and your experiences that allow you to define and perceive it in your own unique way.

And before I get a million questions as to why I posted this, here's the inspiration:

rmdrk - Instagram

Love should not be taken lightly

Do you know what it's like to love someone unconditionally? To listen to and remember every little detail of their numerous stories...dated back to even a year ago. To go through their mood swings with them - their highs, mehs and lows. To create an abundance of memories - pranks, arguments, parties, silence, hugs, tickles, distance...

Distance, misunderstandings, miscommunication, being taken for granted, separate lives - circumstances that end a love like that. Overwhelming. I'll never put myself through that again....invest myself in someone so much.

The fear of losing someone you love is something we all go through. But that's love. It never leaves you. It always surrounds you. You rarely see it. You choose not to see it. You're taken for granted and it is gut wrenching. But who have you been taking for granted? .

Hindi Movies and The Friend 'Back Up'

After having watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and going through a nostalgic trip down memory lane, the movie brought on a different perspective from the happy ending it offers. As the same with the following movies with similar story lines: Cocktail, Mujhse Dosti Karoge, Jo Jeeta Wahi Sikandar, Yes Boss...so mainly Bollywood movies :P

So here goes...

Intense and deep relationships between friends can lead to complications. Not all. Not some. But a good number. If not between the friends, between others. One way or another, our relationships with individuals somehow unite as a whole and affect each other. Or maybe that's just how I see it.

A friendship between opposite sexes starts off very simple. And many have maintained to be simple. But some complications can arise - misunderstandings, one liking the other, getting into relationships therefore abandoning the friendship, jealousy and many other things.

A friendship between opposite sexes also can lead to a "back up" plan...ya know, the one that took place in the famous TV show too - FRIENDS. "By the age of 40, if we're both single, we'll marry each other." Just perfect.

...but not when one of the two people likes the other. Being a back up option for someone you're in love with can turn out to be the worst feeling on earth. But you don't like feeling this way because you don't want it to affect the beautiful friendship that has bloomed. It's a frenzy, confusing and by far one of the worst emotional journeys to go through.

I have no advice whatsoever. Cutting off ties seems to be the most practical solution. But is it really? Why should you abandon a friendship just because your feelings are in the way? Then again, don't you have any self respect? Do you really want to end up with a guy who you're in love with, but looks at you as a back up option?

Image Source: Google
"Cutting Ties" :P
(Also, I like to think I'm funny)

Relationships can be very complicated. We don't realise it till strong emotions come in to...well...test the relationship.

Looks like Anjali managed to get a happy ending after years and years. Does it work that way in today's era? Do let me know! :)

Emotional Baggage?

The epitome of true friendship lies in many things. But the one thing I probably would expect is being there. Not physically but emotionally.

Everyone carries emotional baggage - be it dramatic, small or even stupid - we all do. Some are lucky to have someone in their lives to exhaust it on - a venting machine (geddit?) Others just find other ways to channel the frustration - art, music, writing, going for a walk, plummet into work...and so on.

Relationships change. People change. Life changes. It's all inexorable. And everyone knows this. It's not new.

But what many people don't realise is that the change is very effective on various things in life. It could change an entire relationship - its dynamic, communication, perspectives and perhaps even the level of likability. When change happens, that's when the true character of certain people is revealed.

Some people love changes. A constant in life can be quite annoying. But sometimes, a constant is a good thing.

I really don't know what the theme of this post is. I just feel like it's been a while since I did an emotional post. Maybe I had to channel my emotional baggage*. :)

*my emotional baggage - the sadness of many TV shows ending and job applications.

This song is dedicated to my job applications...because they're always in my head:

'Always in my head' by Coldplay

Updates + Realizations

So I know it's been a while...this is what an intensive Masters course does to one. They have no time to do anything. Okay I lie. It's writers' block. Okay I lie again. It really is time. And lack of anything to write about...so writers' block? Meh.

Anyway. Life has been weird lately. Mainly because I actually have a routine. Like I said. Masters student life. I actually sleep on time and wake up on time, cook, work, workout...time management has become my superpower.

A week back, a good friend of mine and I had a conversation about life in general and where it's heading...and why. That conversation made me self reflect more than I should have...which I am thankful for. It's because of that I now have the superpower of time management. No really.

This made me reflect further...sometimes you meet people, and you don't know when, how or where they will have an impact on your life. But they will. Be it a huge impact or something minute...they always will leave you with something...thoughts, memories, advice, memoirs...anything.

They say family sticks with you no matter what, which is very true. But if you can find a friend that can do that too, consider yourself lucky...because you just added one more member to the family...:)

Dear Stranger, Happy Birthday! Sincerely, Stranger.

Dear Stranger,

Today, you reminded me of the days when humanity, kindness, friendship and love were most important. You may not have realised the impact of your small act, but it made me realise that in today's world, we hardly give importance to the things that really matter. For this, I sincerely thank you.

Sincerely,
Anu.

To my readers,

My friend and I were sitting in front of Forum Mall (Bangalore), and just talking about random stuff. You know how it is when you catch up with friends.

While doing so, we observed a group of boys in front of us. They were hiding a cake, which had a number of candles on them. Another group of boys were bringing in the birthday boy, covering his eyes. They brought him towards the cake, then revealed the surprise. The expression on the birthday boy's face was one I will never forget. The genuine happiness and joy on his face is one that is rarely to be seen.

What moved me in this act of friendship was when the cake was cut and distributed, the boys also distributed the cake to the people around.

This kind of attitude in today's world is rarely found. I would like to thank these boys, not for the cake, but for putting a smile on my face and making me take part in their circle of happiness. This took me back to the days when I was a kid and I would distribute chocolates all around the school, to people I knew and to people I didn't know, just because I wanted them to take part in my happiness.

Sometimes, it's best to keep things simple. Simplicity is what brings happiness. Today's incident was one I will always remember and cherish. Once again, Happy Birthday Jagdish! :-)

They shared their cake!

The group of boys. Photograph by Sundeep Chevour

Blind Faith

Blind faith is a controversial topic. It involves the one thing that unites, yet breaks groups: Religion. Thankfully, that's not the focal of this post.

Many people believe in God. And even if they don't, they probably do when certain things are needed. Like passing exams. Or the mere expression, "Oh My God!"...oh I'm sorry. "OMG!" Although, that's not faith. It's just...an expression.

But why do people question the faith? "You can't see God! How do you know he exists?" Well dude, I can't see your brain. How do I know that it exists?! Pfft. (Okay fine the brain has been scientifically proven to exist and blah blah...but I didn't see his. Therefore he doesn't have one. If he can have that theory, so can I).

Moving on...blind faith works in mysterious ways. For example...when we fall in love, we'd do anything for the other person. Without second thoughts. It's quite stupid. We also do the same for friends...we do stupid things together.

As many people would see it all as a negative...I think it's good to have blind faith. If I didn't have blind faith in God, I'd have no one to make deals with. I'd probably actually gamble and lose money. If I didn't have blind faith in love, I'd not trust my family. If I didn't have blind faith in friendship, I'd not have the memories of those stupid moments, that now lead me to nostalgic thoughts.

Ergo, don't question faiths. Or I'll question your existence. 

When Friend Becomes Stranger

Sharing secrets, sharing stories,
We talk everyday...
Feelings and emotions...
In every possible way.

Coffee, Lunch, Dinner...
We slowly start meeting up,
Gone are the days,
When we just used to say, "Sup?"

Such a beautiful bond;
Nothing gets in between.
Until one day it all shatters,
Without being seen.

You haven't spoken for days.
Responses take longer.
There's an empty hole in your heart.
When Friend Becomes Stranger.

Rhossili Bay!

Cliffs at Sea

I've been to Rhossili three times, and this was my fourth trip. I was excited, as usual. There's nothing more than travel that gives me an adrenaline rush. Tanushree and I headed to the bus station from Swansea University. We were meeting a few more friends there; that's what made the whole trip more exciting! The three different trips had been three different experiences, because of the people I went with.

Turns out, our friend, Ketan, was the only one there. His roommates were meant to join us. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, they couldn't make it. We didn't let that affect our excitement though. It was Ketan's first visit to Rhossili, and we were determined to make it lots of fun!

Walking around

We took the bus. It was more or less a 45 minutes journey. We did our own things - clicking pictures, listening to music, talking - and finally, we were there!

It's like the weather suddenly decided to match our moods, and it was sunny! Rhossili Bay is gorgeous when the sun shines all over the damp grass. The waves across the bay look dramatic, no matter what weather! But the colour of the water, that deep, oceanic...almost "can't-stop-staring"...blue, happens only when the sun is out; and this time, we were lucky.

Our lovely walking surface!

We walked on top of the cliffs, daring to approach the edges. We clicked many pictures, putting our photography skills to work. As we kept walking, we saw a young man, of our age. He had a backpack, a small snack and his Nikon D3100. He was seated on a bench, observing the people and scenery around him. We didn't notice how he looked as we were more engrossed in our experience. But I do remember Tanushree whispering, "He's like you! You came alone once, didn't you? So cool!" And I couldn't help but smile to myself, thinking that there are people out there, just like me.

We finally reached the left-end of the bay, where we could get a sort of clear view of Worm's Head. There were pebbles between the end of the bay and Worm's Head. It was 13:30hrs and the tide comes in at 17:00hrs. We were all seated, gazing out and taking in the beauty of the nature (and the warmth of the rare sunshine). Just when we were discussing whether or not we should cross to Worm's Head, the young man we had observed earlier stood behind us and smiled. He greeted us.

The four of us exchanged names and a few facts about each other. His name is Brian and he is a student from America.

Stopping to click photographs

Then the most amazing two and a half hours of my whole stay in Swansea, began. We crossed the stretch between the bay and Worm's Head. It was lots of walking, climbing, jumping and photography. Alongside all that, it was a lot of laughter, stories and talking mini-autobiographies of our lives.

We finally made it to Worm's Head, like it was a hike from one city to another. We were not tired. We still burst with excitement. And this journey just made our hearts pump with more adrenaline. After a few photographs at Worm's Head, we headed back to Rhossili Bay.

At Worm's Head

There, we enjoyed the most beautiful sunset, where Brian said something I'd never forget, "God is just showing off now!" Indeed he was...and why wouldn't he? The world is so beautiful.

The beautiful sunset

Needless to say, it was one of the most epic journeys of my life. I met a new person, discovered new things about people I knew, did what I enjoyed most - photography and adventure...and had a new experience. Like I said, Rhossili is a place where you are guaranteed to always have a different experience, no matter how many times you go.






Some helpful facts:

- If you're travelling from Swansea City Center to Rhossili, take the bus number 118.
- Buy a day ticket - it should cost you 4.70 Pounds, with return.
- Wear waterproof shoes as you'll have a lot of walking to do in a lot of wet land.
- Carry water and some snacks as the cafe closes pretty early (around 5pm , if I'm not mistaken).
- If you plan on crossing the stretch to Worm's Head, good footwear and a decent backpack is recommended.

The Complicated Guy/Gal

You know there's that one friend we all have, who is a douche? The one who's always mean. And picking on you. And calling you names. And irritating you. And taking the joy out of everything? Buzz kill.

But...

That one person is there for you. When you need it. They listen to your over dramatic but minuscule problems...they advice you, then make fun of you. They irritate you...then say sorry.

It's like, I like you. But I'll be mean to you. But I want you to like me too. Coz this is who I am. Bitch.

It's probably the best friendship you have. Believe me. Nothing is stronger than accepting a person for who they are...rather than expecting them to change. Or making them change. Would you change yourself, just to make someone else happy?

It's probably the core of all relationships. Accept, Trust and be Honest. Everything else will make sense then.

(I'm sure if my bunch of douchy friends read this, they'll criticise it...but I love 'em anyway!)

To Friendship! 

Priority or Option?

This post is dedicated to my family, Amma, Appa, Akka and Jiju, two of my close friends (read sisters) that I've always been thankful to have met, Betty and Seni; and lastly, my friends.

Two posts in a day. Very unlike me. But as regular readers will know, blogging is a way of letting it all out for me. Of course a journal would be ideal. I did start, but it made no sense to me. Why blog and maintain a journal? Plus, a journal is more personal. This isn't.

So, ever been in that situation in life where you do not know whether you are a priority or an option? If you haven't, then you must be one hell of a perfect person. There's always phases in life where you felt used. Maybe a "friend" who has "not spoken to you in a long time" suddenly wants to "compare" (copy) homework. Maybe your friends call you only if they need favours. It's normal.

In life, there's always those bunch of people who will keep you as an option rather than a priority. Why? Because these people are friends. It's very rare for friends to (excuse me for saying this) "tag" you as priority. If there's anyone in the world who prioritizes you rather than look at you as an option, it's your family. If you do have friends who prioritize you, hold on to them. Because they are amazingly rare.

It's always a "Use and Throw" option with people. If they need you, they will use you. Once you're not needed, you're thrown. It's not always the case, but life does take you through a similar situation. Having said all this, I'm not saying everyone is like that. As I said earlier, there are some rare cases.

I've also made it a point to try and incorporate songs that relate to my blogposts. So here goes to my family and friends:

The Remembrandts - I'll Be There For You

Use and Throw

Having lived in this world for 20 years, I now know the value that people hold. Yes. Being 20 can make you wise. Okay, maybe not. But trust me, I  may know more at my age than my parents did when they were my age. This is all thanks to the developments in technology and something called "Google" that helps me search for everything...even ridiculous things.

Thanks to development, we are all self obsessed. Yes. I am too. This is why I have this blog. And 10 different profile pictures on Facebook of just me. Without anyone else. I am self obsessed. I like to tell my stories. I like to talk about my experiences. I like to take pictures of myself (please don't give me that look. I know you do too. At least I don't do it in the bathroom!). I like to update my Facebook status and get many likes. I like to see the number of followers on Twitter increase. I like to see the number of blog views increase. I AM SELF OBSESSED.

However, last night, I noticed how being self obsessed has turned me into someone I am not. It has changed me from that nice small town girl to some spoiled brat that only cares about...well...herself? It's not that I don't listen to other people's problems and stories. I do. But I immediately think of a story that relates to me. Which is sad.

This brings me to my next point. This post is not going to just criticize me; it's going to criticize all my friends too. Yes. You guys. Well not in specific. But you may want to think about it. The number of times I have tried to keep in touch with people is uncountable. But their side of the effort is not even 1/8th of mine. The number of times I have sent a 'good morning' message to my friends is again uncountable. But never once have I received the same. The number of times people have come to me for help is uncountable. But when I ask for the same, they're all busy.

I had a friend, 4 years back, who had the same issue with me. It was then that I told her, "In friendship, you don't expect the other person to return favours." Clearly I was wrong. It's not meant to be favours. If it is a favour, it's not friendship. All actions have to be based purely on care. In any relationship.

With that, I'll end by saying, do not ruin your character by getting too involved in technology. Give time for the reality of life to sink in. Because once reality hits you, you may not be able to face it.

NB: The examples given above are purely fictional. Please do not relate to them or find them offensive. 

HIGH EXPECTATIONS = HIGH DISAPPOINTMENTS

If only he knew...

If only he knows, if only.

If only he knows how I feel,

When he stares at other women,

From top to heel.

If only he knows how I feel,

When he ignores me.

Feelings, I have to conceal.

Ours is a special relationship,

Like no other.

We’re best friends, perhaps more;

Or only I think so. 

Sometimes I feel,

I love him to the core.

But he, he’s not aware…

Not aware of the Heart he tore.

I am no expert,

When it comes to love.

Is it restricting?

Or does it let you fly free, like a dove?

I may or may not love this man.

What I do know is,

My happiness lies in his.

If only he knew…if only.

Life

We all love our parents don't we? And of course, our parents loved their parents didn't they? Then I have one question; why were old age homes invented?

Sure everything revolves around money today. That's a fact. Fact fact fact. Am sure Mr Gradgrind from Charles Dickens' 'Hard Times' would be so proud of me for saying this. No emotions involved...just a mechanical life: Go to work, make money, come home, eat, shit, sleep, wake up the next day and do it all over again.

Has it never occurred to the kids who dump their parents in old age homes that their parents could have dumped them in an orphanage as well? Or left them on the streets? But they didn't! They took care of you; when you lied, they scolded you; when you were down, they encouraged you; when you hurt yourself, they took care of you. How do you have the heart to dump someone who gave birth to you? Who brought you into this world? Who made you who you are today?

Life is too short to live mechanically. It's the small things in life we need to appreciate. It's the people in our lives who make a difference. I learned recently:

"One day, you need to have someone with
whom you can look back at these memories..."
Photograph by: Tanushree Dwivedi

It took time, but I learnt to live.

However be the days, I have learnt to live,

Now I have known this, what's happiness and what's sorrow;

Both are weathers of two moments;

Neither they wait nor stay.

Life gets made of two colours, 

Now angry, now placated.

This, this is here...

- Der lagi lekin maine ab hai jeena seekh liya, Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.

Learn to live, yes. Seize the moment, yes. Make memories, yes. But never do these things alone. One day, you need to have someone with whom you can look back at these memories. Family, friends, strangers, lovers...everyone means something at some point in your life. 

CEP '13: 2 Epic Years

And I’ve moved out of Bangalore; Out of India. I’ve waited 2 years for this moment and it’s finally happened. Only difference is when I first moved to India, I was eagerly waiting for the 2 years to come to an end. At that time, I never realised that I can make the best of friends in 2 years. When the end finally approached, I dreaded saying good bye to people who made my stay in Bangalore totally worth it.

I am not the type of person who is good with testimonials and emotional jazz (that’s Seni, got me started on using your typical phrases ‘and all that jazz’ or ‘aney’). But this post is dedicated to each and every individual who made Bangalore and Christ University worth it and excuse me for saying this (and am sure you’ll all agree), bearable. 

I cannot ramble on and on about each individual from CEP ’13 but the class on a whole is freaking awesome! Sure we had our own groups within the class, but the fact that I got to interact with most of you individually, even if it was for 2 or 3 minutes, makes me consider myself to be lucky. 

I remember the first day of college, I met Abhineeta. When I first met her, I didn’t realise she’s weird. Until one day, when she, Arundhati and I had a discussion about lesbian vibes. Yes. Like I said. Weird. But don’t we all have some element of “weirdness” in us?

I also remember the first few weeks of college I used to sit right at the front. No I am not a nerd. It was just convenient for me to get out of class quickly and not get caught in the large student population of our block. Anyway, I used to sit next to the brothers (Bipin, Sebadas, Shijo and Pradeep) and I remember telling them that I was born in Kerala and don’t know any Malayalam; and they promised they would teach me. So sweet. :’)

As the weeks progressed, so did my seating arrangement. I moved further and further away from the front of the classroom and soon I was one of the back benchers. This is where I met Alice, Rachika, Vishrutha, Kathleen, Prena and Debbie. Oh fun days! We hardly used to pay attention and usually used to secretly take pictures. Or sleep. And if we had a test, copy from each other. And the amount of time we spent on our phones, am surprised we never got caught. :P

I remember a few other people who used to sit at the back; Sumit, Abhishek, Sidharth, Hemali, Aastha and a few others. We never spoke much but had a few moments here and there thanks to Vishrutha. :P

I always broke our class into 3 rows and I had names for some groups. There was Garima, Revathi, Shiny, Adarsh and all you other guys who used to sit to my left somewhere near the front. You guys always used to say hi to me, which I thought was very sweet of you all. Then there were the people in front of me; Shruthi, Aditi, Kamna, Ananya AG, Kumaran, Kartika and a few visitors who were asked to come in front for making noise or whatever else :P We usually had discussions about class; exams, timetables and what not. But I’ve also had my Japanese classes with Aditi, the funny Hindi moments with Kamna and Ananya, and endless discussions about the end of the world (or a new beginning) with Kartika. :P Good times.

Then to my right I had the more active part of the class; always asking questions or always making noise :D :P Joseph, you are awesome. *poke* I shall never forget your oh so funny texts during our one act play; and how excited you were when you had 1000 tweets! :P Rhea, I will take you to prom and we shall go for soup after that :D Mehek, Happy Birthday on every Thursday! You are an amazingly funny and weird person. Additional English was fun. :P Salome, Your random dancing sessions were amusing to watch. I shall miss them. I shall especially miss your Johnny Bravo dance (that was it right? :P)   

Ashwin, you will be blessed with a future filled with dark chocolate every day :P Our rare but serious yet fun talks will always be remembered. Samiksha, I still don’t like you for going off BBM. I am glad we kinda sorta started talking :P We’ve never hung out (except laser tag but that was the most random yet epic group :P) but our exam panics and random advice sessions have made me find a good friend in you.  Manognya, You are crazy and shall always be :P But you are also adorable and one of the most amazing dancers I have ever known!  Abhishek, I know we never hung out but laser tag (again) was fun! And I still remember you used to advise me about my future plans and the whole moving to UK. Just the fact that you told me your point of view meant a lot, so thank you for that. Ashutosh, Talking about movies, series, music and anything entertainment based, it was the best with you! And of course, my collection of snaps of you sleeping in class :P Sonia, You and I have a lot in common...you know the whole thinking of something then suddenly going blank and all that :P And I'll miss our RR Nagar travel times :P Shriya, thank you so much for the chocolate on my birthday. It was really sweet of you. We never talked that much but you were always so nice to me. Rahul, You are uniquely annoying…but nice :P Internship days will be remembered; from your healthy talks to cracking my cell phone password (respect). You are a nice fellow. :P Kishore, keep clicking! Your photography is amazing!! :D

Vidya, Gautham, Soumya, Maitri, Sanya, Vaishali, Sana, Bhavya, Swetha, Prerna, Naaila, Anuj, Pooja, Manasi, Jose, Manisha, Suhas,  and Poorna; Although we may have never talked as often, or hung out often, you guys added on to the awesome CEP experience. And I sincerely thank you for that from the bottom of my heart. <3

Bettina, I remember you came late. And I also remember thinking that you were a nerd considering you asked me for notes and things on the first day you arrived :P But then we got to talking and am glad we became really good friends. The amounts of memories we have are not enough to jot down this post. The CCD dates almost every day, your random KFC cravings, the sleepovers, the exam panic…the list could go on. All I can say is I am glad I found a friend in you, a good one at that :P <3

When it came to organisation, one name popped in mind, Senashia. Oh where do I start? How I envied that black organiser of yours. You had little notes that said “Study” and that made me laugh :P We clicked easily thanks to the non-Indian background, both geographically and educationally :P You taught me the art of being organised and the art of time management and the art of using big words…uh I mean the “skill of expending gigantic verses”  :P You’ve been a good Sri Lankan friend throughout these 2 years and I cherish all the moments we’ve had together from the random gossip sessions to the ride on the metro to window shopping to talking about ambiguity (Yes Bettina, I had to say it :P)

Vikash, I don’t know how it happened but we became amazingly close friends. You were always there for me (literally thanks to BBM :P) so thank you for that! I will never forget your random singing moments. :P I will cherish our virtual dates :P And I will never forget our long advice sessions and career talks. You will reach great heights. Remember that <3

Aswathy, Sneha, Sandhya, Sharvaani, Ananya M, Jonny and Akhil, I don’t know if you guys ever realised it, but you guys were there for me when I needed it most; and I mean this literally. It was my birthday and for the first time ever in my life, I was alone on my birthday. You guys were the sweetest ever to have organised the movie and the surprise birthday donuts :P It was one of the best birthday experiences ever and I shall never forget it! <3  

Achu, Sneha, Sandy, Shar, Betty, Seni and Ananya, you guys have always been there for me and that means a lot. We’ve had our mixture of memories from all the eat outs to Sky Bar to sleepovers to the most ridiculous photo sessions and gossip sessions :P I love you all so much! <3

If I have left out anyone, it was not intentional.  We had a huge class :P Which is why it should be understandable for the department as to why we are so noisy :P Seriously, you guys have been an amazing group of people. I am glad the past 2 years of my life’s journey have been with such ridiculously awesome people! I will always remember each and every one of you, whether we talked or not. A big hug to each and every one of you and every one of you and lots of love!! You guys rock! \m/ :D

Special Mention:

Pavani, I know we just got close. And you are not in CEP :P But you have been an inspiration. You may not know or may have not realised it, but you have advised me when I needed it and taught me how to smile about everything and accept life the way it comes. Big hug to you! <3

I am sorry if I mispelled anyone's name(s).