What is Marriage?

Dear Me,

• I trust you with everything. 
• I've shared everything with you, with no judgement from your side.
• I love how you're genuinely happy when I tell you my happy stories.
• You always listen to my endless and irritating rants. And I mean listen, listen.
• You always make me smile.
• I know I'll never be bored with you.
• No matter how much time we spend together, how much we talk, I'm always left wishing for more. 
• But while I'm left wishing for more, I love that you understand when we need space.
• I'm a better person because of you constantly pushing me and encouraging me to do things out of my comfort zone.

...and you want me to let all this go?

Love,

Me

(Was that a bit creepy? Like a psychological thriller?)

I do all these things to myself and fail to understand why I need someone else in the equation to fulfill that. Why is marriage such a huge topic of discussion in our society, immediately after a job is found? Is there no room for the above...at least for a few years? Are we not meant to make a life for ourselves and live it, before we add someone else to the equation? Why do have to always be dependent on someone for life to move on? Why can't we make our own actions, hardships and thoughts work for us?

As an almost 23 year old woman, I find the topic of marriage (or commitment in general) a very minuscule part of my life. There are way more important things on my mind - How can I spend more time with my family? Where will I be five years from now in my career path? How do I settle down in my new job? How to I adapt to the new environment I'm in? Who are my friends? Where do I visit next year? 

This isn't a feminist rant (I'm not a feminist) or a vent session from personal conversations at home. My parents kinda think the way I do. Yeah the topic comes up, but I think having had two daughters, they sort of understand where I'm coming from. They encourage me to be independent. Now don't think marriage is dependence. It's not. I can't speak for marriage right now, but I can't speak against it either.

The whole point of this long rant is - marriage should not be an ultimate goal in life. Marriage should not be a topic of discussion for any woman or man aged below 28 (unless they consent it, then yay, good for you). Marriage should not be looked down upon either. 

Marriage and commitment should not be feared, but should not be the center of attention either.

Please note that these are personal opinions. Please feel free to voice your own in a comment below or email me :)

Simply Love

Loving someone and being in love are two entirely different things. And when the two clash, it's a myriad of emotions. One wants to you do the right thing while the other is blind. Conflicted emotions are the worst. Why can't love be simple?

Or maybe it is. And if it's not, it's probably not meant to be. But they say all relationships go through hardships. So is that not love? Do you work towards love? Is love even the ultimate thing? I'm not a romantic. The idea nauseates me. But I believe in simple love - family, friendships, high school crushes...but most importantly, loving yourself. Because if you love yourself, you'll see your flaws and if not accept them, try to help yourself change them for the better.

I guess love has different forms. It's really how you and your experiences that allow you to define and perceive it in your own unique way.

And before I get a million questions as to why I posted this, here's the inspiration:

rmdrk - Instagram

Until next time...

I couldn't decide which blog to post this on but since all my sentimental posts are on this one, including the last "Good bye" post when I left CEP, I decided to post this one here too! :)

Sigh. I don't even know where to start. I know I write a lot about change, its inevitability, its heart wrenching pain, it being a new chapter and so on...but it's easy to preach than to practice. A huge change for me is in the happening and that's saying goodbye to Swansea, for now I hope. I always say I'll be back...just to revisit the place, the memories...

Having said that, the last three years have been the most amazing journey of my life. I grew to be the person I am today (or so I like to believe) because of Swansea, the education, the people and most importantly, the independence that led to responsibility (again, I hope).

If had to start thanking people and jotting down memories from day 1 on this post, it would be endless. Nevertheless, I have a long list of people who have made the experience of Swansea what it is and I know I wouldn't want to have it any other way :) All you guys, you brought out the good, the bad and the evil (I had to :P) in me - (this is the part where I tried jotting down names, but there are way too many!)

So having failed at that, you know who you are. You hold a special place in my heart and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making Swansea home :)

It's difficult to say goodbye, but it's even more difficult to let go of the memories. But as rightly put, it's better to always look forward but mainly, live in the present. As said correctly from The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, "There is no present like the time." :)

Swansea, you will forever be my second home.

Moving On...

I think the main reason we don't like moving on is because it's a cause for change. And as humans, we don't like change. Which is weird considering we don't like eating the same thing everyday...

But sometimes you don't know it, and life gives you the most inevitable change possible...and in that moment, you hate life. You don't want it to change. You want things to be the way they are. But why are we so resistant to change? I mean, not all change is bad. In fact, most of the changes are good. We don't know it because we're programmed to think they're bad.

When I left Zambia for India, I didn't know what to expect. I was very much against the idea of moving to India. I didn't want to be around people I don't know and most certainly did not want a change in cultural and social norms. But when I got there, I understood how I was completely wrong about India. I grew to love the place, and not just because the food was nice but because I made some amazing friends!

After establishing a fantastic social circle in India, I didn't want to leave that and move to Swansea. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to move, but at the same time, I wasn't sure if people abroad would be as chilled and fun as the friends I made in Bangalore.

Yet again, my expectations proved me wrong. I met, once more, an amazing group of friends in Swansea and they made the experience all the more culturally fulfilling and equally fun! And having never lived by the sea, Swansea certainly made me a beach lover.

Now that this journey has come to an end, I'm moving back to India. And because my previous experience with India was amazing, I'm not scared of this change. It's giving me an opportunity to move on. I've made some sensible decisions in Swansea, but also some rather stupid ones. And I have a chance to move on. I am definitely scared to move on from student life to work life. But that's change innit? Inexorable. Inevitable. Surprising. And a mix of good and bad. If you want to move on, you gotta let go of the past, let go of expectations and most importantly, let go of yourself. And if you understood that, you, my friend, are ready for a change :)

SOCIAL NORMS

A lot of things we do are because of social norms. Kinda like, "What will the neighbours think?"

Why do we have to do things because our neighbours are going to say something? I don't even talk to my neighbours. The problem is that people always need some sort of gossip to talk about. If I came home with a boy, who could be my cousin for all they know, it would still turn out be the gossip of our neighbourhood..."Oh you know! She brought home a boy and they locked the doors!" Do you even realise how disturbing that is?!

If it's not that, it's something else. There's always something else. "Haan beta. You've finished your masters. Now time to get married uh?" Uh no. There's something called "a job." I didn't go abroad, work hard, have my dad invest in me so much, to just get married. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage. It'll happen. Just not now. And not for the sake of making society happy.

It's even little things. Just the other day, my friend and I were talking about how if we don't attend a dinner that some family friend has invited us for, that's it. That's enough material for them to start - "She didn't even say hello and I personally called her and invited here!" No you didn't. You called my mother. Do you even know my number? -_-

Like seriously. Einstein was right - for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. In this case, it's just an opposite reaction.

Disclaimer - not a personal attack at anyone. So don't go and speak around and say, "oh, she wrote a blog post about this and that. How could she?" -_-

Love should not be taken lightly

Do you know what it's like to love someone unconditionally? To listen to and remember every little detail of their numerous stories...dated back to even a year ago. To go through their mood swings with them - their highs, mehs and lows. To create an abundance of memories - pranks, arguments, parties, silence, hugs, tickles, distance...

Distance, misunderstandings, miscommunication, being taken for granted, separate lives - circumstances that end a love like that. Overwhelming. I'll never put myself through that again....invest myself in someone so much.

The fear of losing someone you love is something we all go through. But that's love. It never leaves you. It always surrounds you. You rarely see it. You choose not to see it. You're taken for granted and it is gut wrenching. But who have you been taking for granted? .

Hindi Movies and The Friend 'Back Up'

After having watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and going through a nostalgic trip down memory lane, the movie brought on a different perspective from the happy ending it offers. As the same with the following movies with similar story lines: Cocktail, Mujhse Dosti Karoge, Jo Jeeta Wahi Sikandar, Yes Boss...so mainly Bollywood movies :P

So here goes...

Intense and deep relationships between friends can lead to complications. Not all. Not some. But a good number. If not between the friends, between others. One way or another, our relationships with individuals somehow unite as a whole and affect each other. Or maybe that's just how I see it.

A friendship between opposite sexes starts off very simple. And many have maintained to be simple. But some complications can arise - misunderstandings, one liking the other, getting into relationships therefore abandoning the friendship, jealousy and many other things.

A friendship between opposite sexes also can lead to a "back up" plan...ya know, the one that took place in the famous TV show too - FRIENDS. "By the age of 40, if we're both single, we'll marry each other." Just perfect.

...but not when one of the two people likes the other. Being a back up option for someone you're in love with can turn out to be the worst feeling on earth. But you don't like feeling this way because you don't want it to affect the beautiful friendship that has bloomed. It's a frenzy, confusing and by far one of the worst emotional journeys to go through.

I have no advice whatsoever. Cutting off ties seems to be the most practical solution. But is it really? Why should you abandon a friendship just because your feelings are in the way? Then again, don't you have any self respect? Do you really want to end up with a guy who you're in love with, but looks at you as a back up option?

Image Source: Google
"Cutting Ties" :P
(Also, I like to think I'm funny)

Relationships can be very complicated. We don't realise it till strong emotions come in to...well...test the relationship.

Looks like Anjali managed to get a happy ending after years and years. Does it work that way in today's era? Do let me know! :)

Sense8

This show got me thinking. There are so many underlying theories, discussions and thoughts that can come about by watching just one episode of the show.

THE CONCEPT

There are 8 people, all connected - they all can feel what one can feel. They can communicate with each other through eye connections even if they are in different parts of the world - and they are - UK, USA, Germany, India, Kenya and a few others.

MY THOUGHTS

> Falling in love within the 8 of you can be a form of narcissism.

> Isn't this how some of us are? Invested so much in a relationship that we tend to be with the other, even if not physically, but in some form thanks to technology.

> Do people like this actually exist? Is this what telepathy is?

> It's like a messed up inception - how do you know what's real and what's not?

> Character development is sorta not there. You just figure out the character by instinct, which is a risk on the writers' part but well done I believe. It's easy to understand them given the connection they all share.

> My favourite character has to be Capheus, not just because he's from Africa (though that was an added factor), but because he's the only guy who seems to do what's right. No time for games. Also, he enjoys the simple things in life. Like the scene with Riley on the plane has to be one of my favourite scenes. 

FAVOURITE QUOTES

"Who we are is less relevant than what we are."

"There's a huge difference between what we work for and what we live for."

"Life and death are always so mixed up together; some beginnings are endings and some endings become beginnings."

"Sometimes when you make a mistake, you've two choices - either live with it, or fix it."

TRAILER

Emotional Baggage?

The epitome of true friendship lies in many things. But the one thing I probably would expect is being there. Not physically but emotionally.

Everyone carries emotional baggage - be it dramatic, small or even stupid - we all do. Some are lucky to have someone in their lives to exhaust it on - a venting machine (geddit?) Others just find other ways to channel the frustration - art, music, writing, going for a walk, plummet into work...and so on.

Relationships change. People change. Life changes. It's all inexorable. And everyone knows this. It's not new.

But what many people don't realise is that the change is very effective on various things in life. It could change an entire relationship - its dynamic, communication, perspectives and perhaps even the level of likability. When change happens, that's when the true character of certain people is revealed.

Some people love changes. A constant in life can be quite annoying. But sometimes, a constant is a good thing.

I really don't know what the theme of this post is. I just feel like it's been a while since I did an emotional post. Maybe I had to channel my emotional baggage*. :)

*my emotional baggage - the sadness of many TV shows ending and job applications.

This song is dedicated to my job applications...because they're always in my head:

'Always in my head' by Coldplay

Racism

Having lived in Zambia for most of my life, it is sad to see that the people who made Zambia home for me are being treated the way this video portrays it:

If there's one thing that living in Zambia has taught me, it is to be kind to one another; to have empathy; to not discriminate; Zambians have taught me that skin colour is nothing but a colour. It is who you are that determines whether one likes you or not.

I have never faced any form of racism in Zambia, or any African country. On the contrary, I was always accepted for who I am. My friends never made me feel left out, never spoke behind my back, never made me feel left out...so why are we, in India, doing the complete opposite?

I understand that not everyone has the attitude that the video portrays. In fact, I am sure that you, who are reading this, are equally disgusted by the attitudes that are discussed in the video.

I just felt like expressing my opinion. I am heartbroken to see my second family being treated like this in my country of origin. This is just sad...

Source: http://www.mensxp.com/special-features/today/25925-african-nationals-share-how-they-are-treated-in-india-and-its-shameful.html

Nutella Rolls

Combine the art of baking with Nutella and try these Nutella Rolls to fulfill the sweet tooth. You will need:

- Nutella

- Pastry (ready made from any store)

1. Roll out the pastry:

2. Spread the Nutella:

3. Roll the pastry and cut it out into smaller rolls:

4. Bake for about 15 to 20 minutes until golden brown:

5. Once baked, sprinkle some icing sugar on top and serve:

A friend suggested more toppings such as melted Lindtt chocolates or rum. The choice is yours. This was just a spur of the moment fun thing I decided to do. :)

Mardaani: Thoughts

The topic of women in India is a life long discussion. There's always some issue or the other - abuse, rape, girl trafficking...and so on.

This movie, Mardaani, is one what picks up the issue of girl trafficking and brings no new perspective, but shows the audience the brutal reality of what happens in India. I can probably add that it's not only in India, but should probably be happening in other parts of the world too.

The movie is no different from what many people say - women empowerment, free women, justice has to happen, and so on.

But one thing I really liked about the movie was when the protagonist questions, what's the point of being emotional after the incident has occurred? We need to be emotional before any incident happens in order to avoid it. If the war is personal, only then will you fight it. So why not make it all personal?

And that's the tagline of the movie - "Every war is personal".

I highly recommend watching this movie in order to understand how our country works when it comes to women, specifically girl trafficking. Of course, it offers no solution and for the handful that understand it, it's no use. We already feel strongly about the issue.

Watch the trailer here: