Use and Throw

Having lived in this world for 20 years, I now know the value that people hold. Yes. Being 20 can make you wise. Okay, maybe not. But trust me, I  may know more at my age than my parents did when they were my age. This is all thanks to the developments in technology and something called "Google" that helps me search for everything...even ridiculous things.

Thanks to development, we are all self obsessed. Yes. I am too. This is why I have this blog. And 10 different profile pictures on Facebook of just me. Without anyone else. I am self obsessed. I like to tell my stories. I like to talk about my experiences. I like to take pictures of myself (please don't give me that look. I know you do too. At least I don't do it in the bathroom!). I like to update my Facebook status and get many likes. I like to see the number of followers on Twitter increase. I like to see the number of blog views increase. I AM SELF OBSESSED.

However, last night, I noticed how being self obsessed has turned me into someone I am not. It has changed me from that nice small town girl to some spoiled brat that only cares about...well...herself? It's not that I don't listen to other people's problems and stories. I do. But I immediately think of a story that relates to me. Which is sad.

This brings me to my next point. This post is not going to just criticize me; it's going to criticize all my friends too. Yes. You guys. Well not in specific. But you may want to think about it. The number of times I have tried to keep in touch with people is uncountable. But their side of the effort is not even 1/8th of mine. The number of times I have sent a 'good morning' message to my friends is again uncountable. But never once have I received the same. The number of times people have come to me for help is uncountable. But when I ask for the same, they're all busy.

I had a friend, 4 years back, who had the same issue with me. It was then that I told her, "In friendship, you don't expect the other person to return favours." Clearly I was wrong. It's not meant to be favours. If it is a favour, it's not friendship. All actions have to be based purely on care. In any relationship.

With that, I'll end by saying, do not ruin your character by getting too involved in technology. Give time for the reality of life to sink in. Because once reality hits you, you may not be able to face it.

NB: The examples given above are purely fictional. Please do not relate to them or find them offensive. 

HIGH EXPECTATIONS = HIGH DISAPPOINTMENTS

Attention or Care?

The problem with today’s world is that we all seek attention. Yes. We all do. Even if we pretend we don’t, we do. It may be that annoying attention from Facebook friends or attention from that one guy you like or attention from a bunch of people for no reason. But we all seek attention. Why?

Seeking attention is not a bad thing. It’s nice to know that someone cares. There are those moments in life when you are tired of the one caring for people and for once would like it if someone cared for you. It’s normal.

What’s not normal is wearing inappropriate clothes, prancing around like the Queen of Wonderland and screaming like there’s no tomorrow. That’s not need for attention. That’s need for help; a psychiatrist perhaps?

Coming back to the point, to care for someone and that someone not caring back is the world’s most heart piercing feeling ever. I know many people would say “To love someone and not have them love you back hurts the most.” I disagree. If you love someone, regardless of whether or not they love you back, all that matters is their happiness. Their happiness lies in yours. But care? Care is a mutual thing. It’s nice to know that someone cares.

Care, Love, Happiness, Sadness, Attention, Trust, Mistrust, Lies, Truth…it’s all part of life. To have someone care about all these things in you is Luck. And if you’re reading this post, thank you for caring enough to visit my blog! :) 

Introspection's Synonym: Boredom

So apparently my emotions are reflected on my blog. I really do not know if that’s true? I don’t use my blog for introspection. Introspection is something personal. Something I’d do when I’m alone. But then again, we introspect in a crowd too. Please don’t give the screen that look. We do; in lectures when we’re bored, among friends when we’re bored, when we go through “depression”, when we go through a break up, when we go through a fucked up phase in life…why is introspection associated with negativity?

Come to think of it, I don’t think a person sits and thinks about their positive qualities. It’s always about the negative qualities. I don’t think a person sits and thinks to themselves, “I have a nice face…and eyes…” there’s always that “but” factor after the positives. “I have a nice face…and eyes…but I am fat.”

Anyway, I really do not know the point of this blog. Or maybe I do. Maybe it’s a form of introspection. How I use the virtual world to escape from the real world. How I use my blog and its audience as a form of venting my emotions…both positive and negative.

Today’s reasons for introspection: Essay stress, Exam stress, Studies, Crush problems and the fact that I will no longer be a teenager in 2 days.

Introspection, yes? No. Usual teenage stuff? No. Life? No. Boredom? Yes. 

To prove that I'm bored (and stressed): I wrote this blog while sitting on a kitchen counter. Yes. I am awesome...but sad. 

"Shit Happens" Part II

The evening started off with us editing the most hilarious essay ever. Well not really but we never tend to realise the mistakes we make when we are sleep-typing (don't pretend you don't know what that is...you know exactly what it is. We are the procrastination generation!)

Anyway, the fun night slowly evolved into a rather serious night with all the profound talks about life, friends, relationships, boys, girls, noise, family...everything possible. But one thing that struck me most was this one sentence we constantly kept repeating, "I have gone through so much shit."

Have I? Have I really gone through so much shit? I mean for a 20 year old girl (note, girl. Not woman) to say something like that should be meaningful. But then again, "shit" could vary in understanding and definition according to various people. For one person, "I have gone through so much shit." could mean "I took the longest dump today." whereas for another it could mean, "My friends don't understand me." and for another, "I am 18 and pregnant."

My point is, the parameters of defining "shit" could be anything, really. The shit I go through can be a huge deal for me, but a small deal for someone who's "shit parameters" are more widely defined than mine. Make sense? No. Then the point of my so called "post" has gone through to your head. Do reflect upon it.

For more information on shit, please read "SHIT HAPPENS"

If only he knew...

If only he knows, if only.

If only he knows how I feel,

When he stares at other women,

From top to heel.

If only he knows how I feel,

When he ignores me.

Feelings, I have to conceal.

Ours is a special relationship,

Like no other.

We’re best friends, perhaps more;

Or only I think so. 

Sometimes I feel,

I love him to the core.

But he, he’s not aware…

Not aware of the Heart he tore.

I am no expert,

When it comes to love.

Is it restricting?

Or does it let you fly free, like a dove?

I may or may not love this man.

What I do know is,

My happiness lies in his.

If only he knew…if only.

One Hell Of A Night

Any characters appearing in this work are purely fictitious. Any familiar characteristics are purely coincidental. :P Furthermore, this is not any form of advertisement for 'Once Upon A Time'. 

12 30am. I came home from a long day and a rather crazy night. I was really tired and ready to jump into my comfy bed. As soon as I opened my door, I suddenly got all the energy in the world. I was so hyper and ready to do something. Anything. Unfortunately, I had no one to go out with at this time. I decided to watch ‘Once Upon A Time’ on my laptop.

Funny and tempting text messages from a friend such as “I am so fuxed” or “You should’ve come” or “This is fonnn” made me think twice before I changed into my PJ’s. But I ended up making myself comfortable in my bed, with a laptop and a bar of chocolate, and of course, ‘Once Upon A Time’.

The blind witch opened her eyes and I jumped a little. Not a Nano second later, someone knocked at my door. I jumped! 2 15am. Who’s at my door at this time of the morning? The others back? Why would they inform me? I should be asleep according to them.

I opened the door slowly, half expecting a blind witch. There stood 2 of my flat mates, Jim and Sara. Okay. What? Why? Why are they here? They looked worried. What happened? Jim blurted out, “We forgot David.” I stared at him for 2 minutes, and sadly, I started laughing. It was rather mean, but the situation was funny. We called for a cab and went back to the house party to fetch David.

2 30am. Strangely, when we got there, we were told that David had already left. Meh. We weren’t that bothered as he’s a grown man. We’ll check on him in the morning. We headed back to our university, went to our respective rooms and we were all doing our own thing.

2 36am. The blind witch is being burned in the oven while Hansel and Gretel are running away to the Queen’s palace. I hear a knock on my door again. Son of a bitch. This blind witch is ruining my life. Jim stood there, looking more worried than ever, “I lost my phone!” Okay. Shit just got serious. Now the blind witch took his phone? Grr.

3 43am. Sara, Jim and I were in my room, tracking Jim’s phone online. Sadly, his tracking application was crap. It tracked only after 24 hours. We tried calling his phone a number of times. After a couple of calls, someone picked up and said, “I am sleeping! Pick up your phone tomorrow!” and before we could ask her anything, she cut the call. We tried calling back and the smart woman has switched off the phone in order to catch up on her precious sleep. Bitch. (Well not really. She was really nice. You’ll find out.)

Well we know the phone isn’t stolen. Whew. All go back to bed.

8 45am. Jim is at my door, knocking. I go with a half sleepy face. His face all blurry. He asks for my phone, I give it to him. The woman from last night returned his phone to him. Ah happy endings.

But do happy endings really exist? I mean, what really happens after the “happily ever after” bit of every fairy tale? Watch ‘Once Upon A Time’ and you’ll find out. ;)

The 'End' of the World

So apparently the world is going to come to an end soon. December 2012. Hmm.

How many of us actually believe in the end of the world? I mean, if you die, isn’t that the end for you? Hence the end of the world? Okay so maybe I don’t make sense. But there’s a point there.

For me, the end of the world has always been something dramatic in my head. Like Sam (from Supernatural) jumping into Hell to save the world from the apocalypse. So do we have a Sam in our world? If so, that’d be awesome. Because we’d have Dean too and well…Dean. Enough said.

There are a few people that I’ve had the whole ‘end of the world’ discussion with. One person, whose point was rather interesting, was that it’s not the end of the world, but a new beginning. This could be true. I mean, before the universe exploded to form the planets, for all we know, there may have been humans living in that unexploded universe, discussing the end of the universe. Then, the world was formed. Now the world will end and will form something new. Then that new thing will end and form some other new thing and so on. It’s the circle of…life?

Point being, if the world is actually ending this December, we need a bucket list no? I have a friend back in India. She’s been a real inspiration. She had a normal bucket list. I mean, we all do. But how many of us have actually done things out of this bucket list? My friend has done most of what she wanted to: She pierced her nose, she got a tattoo. Sigh.

Scuba Diving
Photograph By: Lakshmi Subramaniyam

So my bucket list, and mind you, the list may get longer (not in order of preference/importance):

    1.       Go scuba diving: Done

    2.       Visit Amsterdam: Done

    3.       Visit Greece

    4.       Go on a Euro Trip

    5.       Lay down under the stars

    6.       Go bungee jumping

    7.       Go sky diving

    8.       Get a tattoo

    9.       Kiss someone under the stars

    10.    Write a novel

    11.     Write a script for a movie

    12.    Visit China with my sister  

    13.     Visit the outer space

    14.     Learn to play the violin

That’s about it for now. I’m sure I could think of more. But my mind is blank now.

One thing we need to remember is that the end of the world could be true…or it could just be a concept. A belief. Or as my friend described it, it could be a new beginning. It’s better not to reflect upon it too much. Make a bucket list. Live your bucket list. The end of the world is the end of your life; the end of your life is the end of your world. Remember that.